“Big surprise. You didn't dress up.""I came as Awesome Sauce," I say. "You probably wouldn't recognize it.”

“There's the guy who trained me, you sexy son-of-a-bitch. I knew you could do this. I told the assistant, I said, 'Do you even know who you're dealing with here? Pfft. Pfft.'""You definitely didn't say that.""Nope. I sure as hell didn't...”

“Speak up, Charlie,” I say. “If you have something to say, then say it out loud.”

“Max is going through my overnight bag when I get back to Wink Hotel. My favorite part about this is that he doesn't stop when I walk in the room."Hey," he says. He pulls out my black Hugo Boss dress hirt, then holds it up to his nose and sniffs loudly."Dude. Stop." I pull the shirt from his hands and toss it on the bed."I just love your scent," he says in a chick voice."You and everyone else, my friend.”

“I glance in the mirror. Surprise,surprise—I look finger-lickin’delicious.”

“I love you, Charlie," I say. "I fucking love you so much.”

“Her quasi-smile blossoms. "I shouldn't be scared," she says, and it sounds like something between a statement and a question."You should be terrified," I say. Because I'm going to show you dance moves that'll have you begging for my shit.”