“Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill?Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.”
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.”
“I like children. If they're properly cooked.”
“What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?”
“It is funnier to bend things than to break them.”
“Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!”