“I am a fruitarian and I will only eat leaves picked by virgins in the moonlight”
“I am moonlighting for the Buddha.”
“I am ancient. I am dust held together by moonlight.”
“I am on the divorce detox diet. I only eat younger men”
“I, love, I am the pure acetylene virgin attended by roses.”
“I don't want to brag, but if I go through this, and I go back to camp, I'll have something unique to talk about. I can be like, 'Hey, not only am I not a virgin, I lost my virginity to a frog-headed exotic dancer.' Will that be something to brag about or something to be ashamed of?”