“It is said that water is for cattle and farmers, that milk is for children and blood for men.”

“Right now I have a milk mustache. I grew it on a cattle ranch, and then glued it to my face.”

“The ties of blood," said Spider, "are stronger than water."Water's not strong," objected Fat Charlie.”

“When I went to first grade and the other children said that their fathers were farmers, I simply didn't believe them. I agreed in order to be polite, but in my heart I knew that those men were impostors, as farmers and as fathers, too. In my youthful estimation, Laurence Cook defined both categories. To really believe that others even existed in either category was to break the First Commandment.”

“My rural erection didn’t impress the people in town, but I did have all the dairy farmers lining up to try to milk it.”

“There are no weeds, and no worthless men. There are only bad farmers.”