“You know what it's like, finding eight middle-aged guys having tantric sex with ostriches?”

“It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.”

“I'd never seen a guy my own age play the piano. It was like sex and musical theatre fused together.”

“You are definitely not a slut," Jasmine says, putting her arms around her. "Having sex with a guy you like does not make you a slut. Now if you start having sex with every guy you like, then we'll reclassify you according to level of skankiness.”

“I wish I were really young, like you. Eight is, like, the best age.""Really?""I don't know. To be honest, I don't remember being eight.""That's good.""Why?""I don't want to remember being eight either.”

“Supposedly, guys think about sex every eight seconds. If that's true, how can they talk to their grandmothers?”