“You think I’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star? I’ll swallow you whole.”

“You want me to be a tragic backdrop so that you can appear to be illuminated, so that people can say ‘Wow, isn’t he so terribly brave to love a girl who is so obviously sad?’ You think I’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star? I’ll swallow you whole.”

“I’m not sad, but the boys who are looking for sad girls always find me. I’m not a girl anymore and I’m not sad anymore. You want me to be a tragic backdrop so that you can appear to be illuminated, so that people can say ‘Wow, isn't he so terribly brave to love a girl who is so obviously sad?’ You think I’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star? I’ll swallow you whole.”

“i don't know when love became elusivewhat i know, is that no one i know has itmy fathers arms around my mothers neckfruit too ripe to eat, a door half way openwhen your name is a just a hand i can never holdeverything i have ever believed in, becomes magic.i think of lovers as trees, growing to andfrom one another searching for the same light,my mothers laughter in a dark room,a photograph greying under my touch,this is all i know how to do, carry loss around untili begin to resemble every bad memory,every terrible fear,every nightmare anyone has ever had.i ask did you ever love me?you say of course, of course so quicklythat you sound like someone elsei ask are you made of steel? are you made of iron?you cry on the phone, my stomach hurtsi let you leave, i need someone who knows how to stay.”

“how far have you walked for men who’ve never held your feet in their laps?how often have you bartered with bone, only to sell yourself short?why do you find the unavailable so alluring?where did it begin? what went wrong? and who made you feel so worthless?if they wanted you, wouldn’t they have chosen you?all this time, you were begging for love silently, thinking they couldn’t hear you, but they smelt it on you, you must have known that they could taste the desperate on your skin?and what about the others that would do anything for you, why did you make them love you until you could not stand it?how are you both of these women, both flighty and needful?where did you learn this, to want what does not want you?where did you learn this, to leave those that want to stay?”

“We blame you for floodsfor the flush of bloodfor men who are also wolvesand even though you could pullthe tide in by its hairwe tell people that we walked allover youwe blame you for the nightfor the darkfor the ghostsyou cold unimaginable thingfollowing us home,we use youto see each others frailnaked bodies beneath your blue light,we let you watch; youswollen against the glassbreath a halo of steamas we move against one anotherwet and desperatelike fish undera waterlogged sky.”

“you must wear it like she wears disappointment on her faceyou must hide the surprise of tasting other men on your lipsyour mother is a woman and women like her cannot be contained.you find the black tube inside her beauty case, where she keepsyour fathers old prison letters,you desperately want to look like herfilm star beauty, you hold your hand against your throatyour mother was most beautiful when sprawled out on the floorhalf naked and bleeding.you go to the bathroom to apply the lipstick,somewhere no one can find youyour teeth look brittle against the deep red slicknessyou smile like an infant, your mouth is a woundyou look nothing like your motheryou look everything like your mother.you call your ex boyfriend, sit on the toilet seat and listen tothe phone ring, when he picks up you say his name slowhe says i thought i told you to stop calling meyou lick your lips, you taste like years of being alone.”