“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. ”

“There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.”

“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money”

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

“A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.”

“Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.”

“Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.”