“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”

“I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.”

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”

“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.”

“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.”

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”