“I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it.”

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”

“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.”

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”

“Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.”

“Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!”

“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”