“Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night”
“All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia”
“Here lies W.C.Fields. I'd rather be living in Philadelphia.”
“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”
“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.”