“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”

“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”

“You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.”

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. - W.C. Fields”

“Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?”

“There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.”

“I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it.”