“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
“I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it.”
“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”
“If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.”
“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.”