“With the ascension of Charles I to the throne we come at last to the Central Period of English History (not to be confused with the Middle Ages, of course), consisting in the utterly memorable Struggle between the Cavaliers (Wrong but Wromantic) and the Roundheads (Right but Repulsive).”

“Gladstone .. spent his declining years trying to guess the answer to the Irish Question; unfortunately, whenever he was getting warm, the Irish secretly changed the Question, ...”

“N.B. – Do not on any account attempt to write on both sides of the paper at once.”

“There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.”

“I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.”

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”