“What happened to your hand?It got hit by a mirror. How'd that happen? I lost my temper at myself.”

“They say all foxes are slightly allergic to linoleum, but it's cool to the paw, try it. They say my tail needs to be dry cleaned twice a month, but now it's fully detachable, see? They say our tree may never grow back, but one day, something will. Yes, these crackles are made of synthetic goose and these giblets come from artificial squab and even these apples look fake—but at least they've got stars on them. I guess my point is, we'll eat tonight, and we'll eat together. And even in this not particularly flattering light, you are without a doubt the five and a half most wonderful wild animals I've ever met in my life.”

“I'm very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a terribly attractive woman.”

“I didn't think so much of him at first. But now I get it: he's everything that I'm not.”

“But in the end, he's just another dead rat in a garbage pail behind a Chinese restaurant.”

“Son of a bitch, I'm sick of these dolphins.”

“From the pastor who has an affair with his secretary, to the jerk at the office who happens to be a deacon, to the overbearing boss who can’t miss his Monday night Bible study, Christians today cause more problems for the gospel than all the devil’s demons put together.”