“Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're actually paying for.”

“It's a good thing the American people aren't getting all the government they're paying for.”

“Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it's not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago.”

“There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.”

“There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”

“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”

“Get all the good laughs you can.”