“Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on Earth.”

“Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.”

“We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”

“There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”

“So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.”

“Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”

“Most men are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”