“There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.”

“The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.”

“Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it's not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago.”

“Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're actually paying for.”

“There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by readin’. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”

“There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”

“There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”