“The trouble with Texas Baptists is that we do not hold them under water long enough.”

“I’d heard about the Baptists from Jacob Henry’s mother. According to her, Baptists were a strange lot. They put you in water to see how holy you were. Then they ducked you under the water three times. Didn’t matter a whit if you could swim or no. If you didn’t come up, you got dead and your mortal soul went to Hell. But if you did come up, it was even worse. You had to be a Baptist.”

“Jett Gallatin expected trouble in Alsop, Texas—but not zombies.”

“They say if you stare at a telecaster long enough, all your troubles will disappearWho the H*** says that?I do”

“The Baptist Church rejects man with wooden leg: It appears the Baptist preacher refused to baptize a veteran of the late war in the holy water- saying they only baptize flesh and blood, not wood.”

“We can do anything we want as long as we stick to it long enough.”