“I'm away for a while. But there's no cash on the premises, no drugs, and the pitbull's tested positive. Twice.”

“No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.”

“Nothing that is new is ever new twice. While things that are true are still true the next time; truer, in fact, because they have been tested, they have been tasted, and they are always ripe, always ready...”

“Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. ”

“Bad questions at employment interviews:"Is your drug test graded on a curve?”

“They say the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull - lipstick.”