“He then asked he president to stop funding wells and toilets and use the money to buy grain. (Because really, how can you use a toilet if you never eat?)”

“I have to go to the toilet,” I tell Ma urgently after dinner.“You have to go in the woods.”“But where?”“Anywhere you can find. Wait, I’ll get you some toilet paper.” Ma goes away and comes back with a bunch of paper sheets in her hand. My eyes widen in disbelief, “Ma! It’s money. I can’t use money!”“Use it, it is of no use to us anymore.”

“Well, I don't use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee on my estate. ”

“Books Are Good For Lots Of Uses, Not For Dropping In The Toilet.”

“Well. He's a very sensitive boy. He's really never been a terribly good mixer with other boys...'Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a goddamn toilet seat.”

“He wanted to go running home to Mommy, what can I say? Of course, it's hard for me to believe that anyone would choose to step out of the FAYZ. I mean, where else do you get to eat rats, use your backyard for a toilet, and live in fear for nineteen different kinds of scary?" -Howard”