“But it was I, yes I, who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!”

“Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.”

“Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.”

“Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.”

“Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.”

“Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK?It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday”

“The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.”