“Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.”

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”

“The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.”

“Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.”

“Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.”

“I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”

“But it was I, yes I, who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!”