“How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?”

“Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.”

“There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?”

“God, you Jews are truly exotic."Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.”

“How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?”

“How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not "the thing with feathers." The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich.”

“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.”