“I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”

“I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.”

“The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.”

“I am at two with nature.”

“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”

“I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.”

“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”