“I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.”

“All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates.”

“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”

“I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.”

“I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.”

“What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.”

“I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.”