“I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.”

“I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.”

“You're still in love''No I'm not, I'm not She'll always be a part of me, and she's an important person in my life but for the two of us something wasn't working.''What element?''We never found out”

“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.”

“I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.”

“When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.”

“Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.”