“If Jesus came back and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing-up.”

“If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.”

“I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.”

“What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after--who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have.”

“I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.”

“When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.”

“Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.”