“I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.”
“I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot”
“Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.”
“I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.”
“I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”
“You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.”