“Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.”

“Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.”

“Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.”

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”

“If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.”

“The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.”

“The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.”