“It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.”

“By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.”

“The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.”

“It's funny. Maria Elena and I, we are meant for each other and not meant for each other, it's a contradiction.”

“It's about Russia.”

“Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.”

“Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.”