“Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.”

“Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.”

“It was great seeing Annie again. I realised what a terrific person she was and how fun it was just knowing her. And I thought of that old joke, you know. The guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." and the doctor says, "well, why don't you turn him in?" and the guy says, "I would, but o need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and, but, err, I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.”

“Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.”

“I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.”

“Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.”

“Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.”