“The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.”

“It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.”

“I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.”

“Ads answered out of desperation in the New York Review of Books proved equally futile as…the 'Bay Area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.”

“Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.”

“You're still in love''No I'm not, I'm not She'll always be a part of me, and she's an important person in my life but for the two of us something wasn't working.''What element?''We never found out”

“I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.”