“This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?”

“I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.”

“I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.”

“Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK?It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday”

“Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.”

“I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.”

“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”