“A Shadow's Tale - I'm going to keep calling it A Shadow's Tale because fuck America for wanting to be different and special all the time.”

“A good story is like a good bowel movement: it's only really satisfying once it's ended, because if you just keep going eventually your body runs out of shit and moves on to pushing all your internal organs out your sphincter until only a foul smelling shell remains and anyone who wants to get into your incredibly long poo gets turned off because they have to go through all the poo up until that point to have the necessary context.”

“New Super Mario Br - I'm just gonna call it "Steve" from now on, all right?”

“There's a new spell you get around level 50 called "Mirror Image" which might as well be called "Reap On, Ye Fucking Reaper Man".”

“With small-town America it's always either zombies or communists isn't it.”

“This is about as simple as games get. There isn't even the paltriest context for what you're doing; you're not exacting revenge on limbless pigs or feeding your pet bitch-lizard. You're a ninja, fruit is flying up in front of you, and fuck fruit. Sitting around all smug on trees and in pies.”

“Making the decision to leave Valve strikes me as right up there with turning down the throne to Narnia, but then call me an idealist, and I guess I probably wouldn't want to spend my whole life making new hats for Team Fortress 2 either.”