“it's difficult to root for America when the villains of the story live in a ditch and are armed with jagged rocks. At some point in recent years they looked up from their international heroism to realize they'd alienated the entire world.”

“A good story is like a good bowel movement: it's only really satisfying once it's ended, because if you just keep going eventually your body runs out of shit and moves on to pushing all your internal organs out your sphincter until only a foul smelling shell remains and anyone who wants to get into your incredibly long poo gets turned off because they have to go through all the poo up until that point to have the necessary context.”

“The root problem with Christianity is that their god is supposed to be all-powerful and benevolent. It sounds like an easy sell, but when life turns completely to shit, you have to come up with all kinds of whacked-out reasons for why kindly old Jehovah saw fit to run over little Timmy with a combine harvester and leave him in a state of vegetative, limbless agony for eighteen years.”

“Could somebody please invade America? I know it's not exactly prime real estate and can just about produce corn and shitty TV, but someone really needs to help them blow off some steam.”

“With small-town America it's always either zombies or communists isn't it.”

“I had passed on from life, from the world of struggles and hardship and big fat women with annoying laughs, and entered a glorious new existence of utter peace, and joy, and love.And then some git brought me back to life”

“A Shadow's Tale - I'm going to keep calling it A Shadow's Tale because fuck America for wanting to be different and special all the time.”