“It is pointless to say that this or that night was the worst of my life. I have so many bad nights to choose from that I've made none the champion.”

“Edward: It wasn't the worst night of my life.Jake: Did it make the top ten?Edward: Possibly. But, if I had been able to take your place last night, it would not have made the top ten of the best nights of my life. Dream about that.”

“Thoughts of suicide have got me through many a bad night.”

“Even when I don't have to write, I arrange it every morning with the pointless rigor that has made me lose so many lovers.”

“This is the best night of my life," Raffy says, crying."Raffy, half our House has burnt down," I say wearily. "We don't have a kitchen.""Why do you always have to be so pessimistic?" she asks. "We can double up in our rooms and have a barbecue every night like the Cadets."Silently I vow to keep Raffy around for the rest of my life.”

“My Saturday Night. My Saturday night is like a microwave burrito. Very tough to ruin something that starts out so bad to begin with.”