“When they realized they were in the desert, they built a religion to worship thirstiness.”

“Oh my God. For most of eternity, I won't exist. That leaves two options: live forever or destroy the universe. Hm... I may have to quit my day job for this.”

“I only have one life so I better waste it wisely.”

“Behind every good politician is a soft, cuddly teddy bear”

“You know that point in your life when you realize that the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore… All of the sudden, even though you have some place to put your shit, that idea of home is gone… Or maybe it's like this rite of passage… You will never have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start. It’s like a cycle or something. Maybe that’s all family really is: a group of people that miss the same imaginary place.”

“Dr. Jules Hilbert: Hell Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted.Harold Crick: What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to eat nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?Dr. Jules Hilbert: Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that that answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led... and, of course, the quality of the pancakes. ”

“when the cheese belongs to the mitten take the horns off the roller coaster”