Alice Clayton

“Finally, I felt him, exactly where he was meant to be. Barely nudging inside, just the feeling of him entering me was earth-shattering. My own needs quieted for the moment, I watched his face as he began to press inside me for the first time. His eyes bore into mine as I cradled his face in my hands. He looked as though he wanted to say something, and I wondered. What words would we speak, what wonderfully loving things would we say to commemorate this moment?"Hi.""Hi.”

“How do you make Wallbanger stop smirking? You kiss him.”

“OK snark, settle. You're telling me you don't have the tiniest crush on him? Tell the truth, Grace," she said, cornering me over by the dishwasher."I don't have a crush," I debated."Well, maybe I have half a crush. I have a 'cruh'," I admitted, giggling."But it's strickly Joshua inspired," I added, knowing that was not entirely true.”

“I turned to kiss his fingertips. He stared into my eyes again, those sex sapphires doing their voodoo that made me a puddle of voodoo goo. For him to woo. See what he did to me?”

“Simon thought I was lovely.Was the Giggler out of the harem?Was there even a harem left?What did this mean?Would I only think in questions now?And if so, who is Eric Cartman's father?”

“Babies were born, old people died, stocks were traded, and someone faked an orgasm. All in those five seconds.”

“Pushing thoughts of spanking and Simon from my mind, I went back to my DVDs. Spanking Simon. What a great name for a band.”

“Yeah, she's right here. She's in the shower, in fact…Oh, Jack! I told Grace the funniest joke about the British invading her hoo—Wait, what?…Hold on…Grace, Jack would like you to know that he has seen the pictures and he thinks you were pointing that shrimp at him far too aggressively…No, she isn't acknowledging you. She's now banging her head against the shower tiles…Oops, now she's glaring at me…she's turning off the shower, Jack…she's coming towards me…she's naked, Jack…and angry…she's naked and angry, Jack…you would probably love angry, naked Grace. It's something to see. She's hitting me, Jack…I think she's going to take the phone away from…”

“It breaks my heart the way young girls pick themselves over, never thinking they're good enough. You make sure you always remember, you're exactly the way you're supposed to be. Exactly. And anyone who says otherwise, well, poppycock.”

“The tension was so thick in the room, it was too much. He was too much. I couldn’t take the pressure, so I panicked. Sexy and in control Grace left and twelve-year-old Grace took her place. “Heh, heh, you said nuts,” I burst out. My self-edit button was now turned off for good.”

“The right woman for you wouldn't want you to change anything about your life. She wouldn't rock your boat, she'd jump right in and sail it with you.”

“Just trying to get a visual of you on the beach in Spain…How's that working out for you?Pretty spiffy.Spiffy? Did you just say spiffy?I typed it actually. You got something against spiffy?”

“You gonna bang my walls, Simon?” I laughed.“You have no idea,” he promised.”

“Beneath the sheet—which was already lower on his hips than should be legal — HeWasStillHard”

“You done with work?Yep, at home waiting for you.Now that's a nice visual...Prepare yourself, I'm taking bread out of the oven.Don't tease me woman...zucchini?Cranberry orange. Mmmm...No woman has ever done breakfast bread foreplay the way you do.Ha! When you coming?Can't. Drive. Straight.Can we have one conversation when you're not twelve?Sorry, I'll be there in 30Perfect, that will give me time to frost my buns.Pardon me?Oh, didn't I tell you? I also made cinnamon rolls.Be there in 25.”

“Wrapped around each other but now clad in a pink nightie and a pair of sweatpants. To be clear, I wore the pink nightie.”

“My shirt bunched up around my waist, and the feeling of his hi-there against my hoohah was indescribable.”

“Peeling apples, just peeling apples. Didn’t feel your boobs. No, no, not me”

“Sweet dreams and thin walls... Mother of Pearl. He'd heard me.”

“He was wooing me. And I was letting him woo. I wanted the woo. I deserved the woo. I needed the wow that would surely follow the woo, but for now, the woo? It was whoa.”

“I’m done with easy.”“You should print that on cards.”“Print this—why do you still have clothes on?”

“Hey, if you're going to say what I think you're going to say…wait, are you going to say it?” he asked, smiling down at me.“Yes, yes I think so.” I grinned shyly back.“Well, then I think we should say it at the same time, yes?” he suggested.“Count of three?” I asked. He nodded.“One…” I started.“Two…” he said, eyes twinkling.“Three,” we said together. We both paused, smiling hugely, and then I took a deep breath.“Jack, I love you.”“I know,” he said at the same time.Ass…“Ass!” I said, smacking him on the arm.“That was great!” he laughed.”

“I arched my back and flexed my hips experimentally...once...twice...a third time. It really was true what they said about riding a bike. My body remembered this just as quickly.”

“I got in trouble for fondling buns,” he whispered.”

“.....he kissed me right on my gonna-see-God.”

“Oh , God, the British Have landed, Haven't they?”

“There's all kinds of stuff on the internet. You could've Googled it." he stated. still moving his hand closer. I could feel the energy between us begin to hum again. "I think that you should go Google yourself, Brit boy. I'm not interested in Googling you .”

“He totally came up here to see you. Girl, you are on.”

“What time was that email sent?" I asked, with my own cocky grin beginning to form across my face. Sara clicked around a few times and then said, "Two-oh-seven a.m." "Shit," Jack said quietyly while I laughed aloud. "I knew it! Your are so busted, Hamilton!" I cried. I was teasing him, but inwardly I was dancing like an imbecile.”

“Huh. Fancy meeting you here," I teased. "I recall telling you that I had a meeting with Holly this morning. Coincidence?" "Sheridan, that's rubbish. Are you insinuating that I only came here in the hopes of running into you? I happen to have had an appointment as well," he taunted. "That's crap, you stalker," I deadpanned, moving in closer to him. He raised an eyebrow, watching me.”

“Fuck, he's pretty.”

“Thump“Oh, God”Thump ThumpUnbelievable…I woke up faster this time, because I knew what I was hearing I sat up in bed, glaring behind me. The bed was still pulled safely away from the wall, so I felt no movement. But there sure as hell something moving over there.Then I heard ……hissing?I looked down at Clive, whose tail was at full puff. He arched his back and paced back and forth at the foot of the bed.“Hey, mister. It’s cool. We just got a noisy neighbor, that’s all,” I soothed, stretching my hand out to him. That’s when I heard it. “Meow” I cocked my head sideways, listening more intently. I studied Clive, who looked back at me as if to say “T’weren’t me”.“Meow! Oh, God. Me -Yow!”The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen?Clive, at this point, went utterly bonkers and launched himself at the wall. He was literally climbing it, trying to get where the noise was coming from, and adding his own meows to the chorus.“Oooh yes, just like that, Simon…Mmmm….Meow, meow, Meow!”Sweet Lord, there were out-of-control pussies on both sides of this wall tonight.”

“This is the heart I need. And if I have this - and a little schmaltz - I dont need anything else in the world”

“So if you think for a second I’m going to let you end this without giving me a legitimate reason, you are truly crazier than I thought. I’m in this thing with you, a willing participant, and you can’t decide for both of us. Not anymore.”

“I assigned him to help me trim the Brussels sprouts, but instead he kept trying to throw them away when he thought I wasn’t looking. “Brussels sprouts, Grace, really? These are our friends. Why are you doing this to them?”

“He was everything I’d ever wanted, and everything I hadn’t even known I needed.”

“To things staring you right in the face,” I echoed, our eyes locking over the rims.”

“Ok, look. Whenever I hear people say that they felt ‘sparks,’ I usually think it’s a load of poo. I mean, I have felt attraction to people, sure, and I have even felt some instant lust. But sparks? Please... Then he touched my skin. Sparks. Sparks. Sparks. Hot sparks. Flashing sparks. Lightning bolt sparks. J esus, Mary, and Joseph sparks.”

“Grace, did you just sniff my shirt?" He asked, incredulous.“Yep, I did. What of it? And after you leave, I’ll probably lay on your side for a while because the pillow smells like you. I’m ridiculous when I’m in love. We’re talking Hallmark over here.”

“And a fire in the fireplace? Wow, that’s impressive.” I continued, walking backwards into the room.“Yeah, I saw it in a book about how to woo women… apparently you all like to be boinked in front of a roaring fire.”

“Twenty-four year olds were my new favourite thing. I needed to tell Oprah to put them on her list.”

“I got shagged in Santa Barbara, and all I got was this fantastic orgasm.”

“We have to stop, this is insane. I literally cannot handle anymore. I think I’ve lost brain function. I can actually feel myself becoming stupid”…“Not possible. Let’s test it. What’s two times two?”“Orange?”

“He pushed me back up against the door, slamming me against the doorbell. I heard it ring out."Coming!" I heard Holly say as she clicked across the floor to the front door."Not quite, but she’s close." He chuckled, removing his hand and leaving me breathless and rosy cheeked.”

“Wow, girls sure do weird stuff. Especially you American girls. So much shimmer and sparkle. Who told you tits were supposed to sparkle?”

“I don’t know why you’re laughing, Miss Thing,” Nick said, turning his gaze to me. “You still fantasize over Joe McIntyre like you are thirteen years old!”“Oh, I own my obsession. If Joey Joe were here right now, I’d break him. I have no shame.”

“The guy looks young enough to be your kid, Grace. Yes, but only if I’d really slutted it up in junior high…”

“You know those moments when everything is exactly the way it was meant to be? When you find yourself and your entire universe aligning in perfect synchronization, and you know you couldn’t possibly be more content? I was inside that very moment, and fully conscious of it.”

“Be aware of the walls you build and what could be on the other side”

“And Caroline? Speaking fo thin walls?" he said, as he opened his door and looked back at me. He leaned in his own doorway, thumping his fist on the wall."Yes?" I asked a little too dreamily for my own good.His smirk reappeared and he said, "Sweet dreams".He thumped the wall one more time, winked, and went inside.Huh. Sweet dreams and thin walls. Sweet dreams and thin walls...Mother of pearl. He'd heard me...”