Debra Anastasia

“As Kyle came fluttering down the aisle in her simple blue dress, Beckett swore aloud in the empty room. “Shit, Fairy Princess, you’re an angel.”

“Though Beckett remained confined to the same claustrophobic hotel room that had housed him for weeks now, he’d attended the wedding in every sense but literally.He dressed for the occasion, and Eve helped him get his bow tie just right before she left, promising once again that her hummingbird pin would send him every detail it could.Riveted to the live feed from Eve’s transmitter on his hotel room TV, Beckett stood when the congregation stood, and he sat when they sat. And when he noticed that the camera had bounced even lower, Beckett knelt.As Kyle came fluttering down the aisle in her simple blue dress, Beckett swore aloud in the empty room. “Shit, Fairy Princess, you’re an angel.”

“Blake lifted a plastic champagne flute filled with bubbling apple cider. “To Beckett—we wouldn’t be here without him.”“To Beckett,” the others agreed.”

“Mrs. D hugged Cole’s middle, hard, and the music cut out just in time for her compliment to carry across the room. “I knew you would be a magnificent man.”

“A small lady moved on after greeting Livia to address the wedding couple. “Cole Bridge. Look at you!”Cole’s mouth dropped open. “Mrs. D?” After a shocked pause, he scooped her into a hug. “You’re here?”“Of course I am, sweetheart. Your wonderful wife delivered the invitation by hand. She insisted it be a surprise.” Mrs. D rubbed Cole’s arm.Cole turned to Kyle. “Thank you so much. I didn’t know you were going to do this.”Kyle nodded. “I know how much she means to you,” she said.”

“I hope you know how rare a girl like Livia is.”Blake nodded, but said nothing.“I’ve only met a few souls as crystal clear as hers,” Bea continued. “One of them was my Aaron; we were married for sixty-two years. Souls like that, my boy, are a gift. Cherish her.”“I will.” Blake stood and gave Bea a formal bow only he could get away with.”

“I see your young man has accompanied you today.” Bea accepted Livia’s hug with a gentle pat.“He has. I’m so glad he gets to meet you.” Livia held Bea’s soft, delicate hand.“I’ve noticed he always has his body angled toward yours,” Bea reported seriously. “It’s a good sign, my dear. I do believe you’ve found yourself a winner.” She smiled.”

“Blake and Livia were next to exit. He took the steps before she could and turned to offer her his hand, like a knight escorting his queen. Livia took Blake’s hand and hugged his offered arm. Bea’s photographer-nephew’s flash blinded them as it captured their moment for all time.”

“I present Mr. and Mrs. Cole Bridge. You may kiss the bride.” Father Callahan gave Cole a nod of approval.Cole faced Kyle and wrapped her in his arms. He pulled her off her feet and closer to his face. Livia and Blake were the only ones close enough to hear Cole’s private vows.He kissed her once, gently and almost chastely. “For our past.”Cole kissed her again, just a breath of a kiss, lightly touching her lips. “For today.”The last kiss was deeper, but still maintained church decorum. It was the intimacy in his gaze that made the guests feel voyeuristic. “For the rest of our lives,” he said softly as he set her back on her feet.”

“Blake held out a hand to Livia, who felt like she was cheating on an exam as she took it.“I can’t stop looking at you,” he whispered. “The candlelight, the dress, the curls.” He pressed a reverent kiss on her forehead.Livia inhaled his cologne. Maybe he’d borrowed Cole’s, and the warm scent made Blake a present begging to be opened.”

“Cole and Kyle looked anxious and wildly in love.”

“Get the hell down here!” the bride shouted. “You’re stealing my thunder.”

“Livia, I’m going to be okay. You have to believe it.”The nape of his neck was just inches from her lips. The only things stopping her from tasting it were red lipstick and one hundred pairs of eyes.“I’ve always believed it.” Livia tilted her head so she could see him.Blake held his lips close to hers. They were lost in each other.”

“What exactly, my love, do you think you’re doing?” Blake looked down at her.“These stairs make me nervous. I just wanted to make sure you got down them okay.” Livia felt silly now. He was obviously fine. Their slow spiraling dance actually made her a little dizzy instead.“And if I trip like the delicate flower that I am?” Blake asked, drawing near.“I was hoping I would break your fall, if you fell…which you won’t.”

“John stooped to give Kyle a kiss on the cheek. Kyle held her hand out to Cole, and for a brief moment their hands didn’t touch. The tiny sliver of air between their palms seemed to contain the energy of an entire universe. But when his hand eclipsed hers, instead of an explosion, there was only calm. Only peace.”

“When Kyle was finally firmly in front of the groom, John held out his hand. As Cole shook it, the men had the most important conversation in the world without saying a word.”

“The first strains of organ music filled the church.Blake. His playing brought Livia a wide, warm smile. The music was supposed to be reverent. It was supposed to slow the world down for prayer. But Blake infused hope in his music. Love was the only song he knew how to play.”

“Something old: the dress. Something new: your attitude. Something borrowed: I’m pretty sure you got those earrings from my jewelry box.”

“Wait. What?” Livia turned her sister to face her. “The dress doesn’t change who you are. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never seen a more beautiful bride, but you’ve always been this person. It’s not that you didn’t earn a mother, it’s that Mom didn’t earn you.” Livia waited until Kyle looked her in the eyes. “Do you understand that?”

“Blake pushed open the door by the altar. His rented tuxedo was crisp, the bow tie perfectly straight. Livia stopped and let the sight of him evaporate her common sense.When his eyes found hers, he placed a hand over his heart, as if it might stop again. “You are so lovely,” he said.Livia wrinkled her nose and blew him a kiss.”

“Well, I got to get out of this uniform. But Kyle, just a word, you’ve been snapping and harping at everyone trying to help you with this wedding, and you need to knock that off. Everyone knows when they’re being a bitch.” He looked pointedly at his daughter.Livia patted her sister’s shoulder. “It’s true. You’re being a bitch.”Kyle threw the floral catalog at her as she headed downstairs.”

“Ted has a friend that owns a club. They’re looking for a piano player on Thursday nights. I was thinking about it…” Blake trailed off.“I think that sounds wonderful,” Livia said immediately. “You’ll be terrific, and I’ll be front and center, every Thursday night.” She smiled again, wondering if he could feel it.”

“How come she has more crap here now than when she lived with me?” their father grumbled as he came down one morning.”

“I think a call to Chaos is in order,” Blake said, looking at Cole.Cole nodded, and Beckett smiled. “Thanks,” he said.”

“Eve took the gun from Blake, the hand that had been shaking steadied. “Mouse, I wish you were still here. This place was better when you were part of it.”

“They do the twenty-one-gun salute for the good guys, right? So I brought this.” Beckett pointed the gun in the sky. “For Mouse.”One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen shots exploded from Beckett’s gun. “Who am I fucking kidding? What the hell does a gun shot by me mean? Nothing special, that’s for damn sure. Fuck it.”“For Mouse, who watched over my sister and saved Blake and me from more than we could’ve handled in the woods that night.” Livia nodded at Beckett, and he squeezed the trigger. When the sound had cleared, she counted out loud. “Seventeen.”Kyle stepped forward and replaced Livia at Beckett’s arm. “For Mouse. I didn’t know you well, but I wish I had.” The air snapped with the shot. “Eighteen.”Cole rubbed Kyle’s shoulder as he approached. He took the gun from Beckett’s hand. “For Mouse, who protected Beckett from himself for years.” The gun popped again. “Nineteen.”Blake thought for a moment with the gun pointed at the ground, then aimed it at the sky. “For Mouse, who saved Livia’s life when I couldn’t. Thank you is not enough.” The gun took his gratitude to the heavens. “Twenty.”Eve took the gun from Blake, the hand that had been shaking steadied. “Mouse, I wish you were still here. This place was better when you were part of it.” The last shot was the most jarring, juxtaposed with the perfect silence of its wake.As if the bullet was a key in a lock, the gray skies opened and a quiet, lovely snow shower filtered down. The flakes decorated the hair of the six mourners like glistening knit caps.Eve turned her face to be bathed in the fresh flakes. “Twenty-one,” she said softly, replacing her earpiece.”

“The addition of knitting needles and twirling yarn made Beckett’s forearm ink the exact replica of the tattoo on Mouse’s chest.“He was my friend and my brother.”

“And I know Blake had a bunch of fucking problems going on the night he was shot. But Mouse here made sure the hired guns were dead before they could hurt him. I don’t know if I get to call him a hero, if that’s allowed, because I’m a bad man, and he was my friend. But he was a hero to me.”

“Where’s the bride-to-be?” Beckett held his arms open for Kyle and gave her a gentle hug. “Good on you, Fairy Princess, making an honest man out of my boy here. Jesus was treating him like shit; he was never getting laid. I hope you two have a million damn kids and name them all Beckett, boys or girls.”Kyle returned the hug and smirked. “We might name our dog Beckett, if you’re lucky.”Beckett laughed a bit too loudly. He seemed desperate to make up for lost time.”

“He locked eyes with Livia, and his face became serious. “Com’ere, Whitebread.” He held out his hand and enveloped her as soon as she got close.She started to cry softly in his chest.“Don’t cry. I’m so motherfucking proud of you. You hold your beautiful face up. Stand proud.”He rubbed her back and motioned Blake over with his head. Beckett twirled her into Blake’s arms. She looked back to give him a sad smile from her warm place by Blake’s heart.”

“He grabbed his brothers. All three pounded each others’ backs and gave grumbling, cursing acknowledgments.“I can finally fucking breathe, seeing you goddamn bastards.”

“I’ll see him buried,” Beckett said again, slightly less confidently. “I’ll see my brothers. I have to. I can’t not see them. I…” Beckett looked at his reflection in the mirror. “My life is worthless if it’s not about them.”

“You think that’s what Mouse wants? You in jail? He’s not the pile of ashes we’re going to put in the ground. His soul is free in the woods.”

“He wanted Livia back. Kyle probably wanted to talk her ear off all about the wedding, but he needed Livia here. He ached for her.”

“I’d prefer to stand when ladies are standing,” he said quietly to Livia.She longed to smooth a balm on all his wounds. “Blake, I’m exhausted. What I really need is a nice, strong lap to sit on to get me out to the car.”He reached up and stroked her hair. “I could be a lap for you, my tired angel.”

“So, seeing as you know all the details already, can I count on you to be best man?” Cole watched fear creep over Blake’s face. “The ceremony is at night,” he added quickly.“If Mr. Old Timey is still all jacked up from being a bullet catcher, we’ll put it off,” Kyle added.Blake smiled and held his arms open to the female ball of fire. “I’ll be fine, Kyle. I wouldn’t want you to spend one extra day not married to Cole because of me.”Kyle hugged him carefully. “Your being well is one of the only things that could ever make me wait.”Blake answered Cole’s question still hanging in the air. “I’d be honored to serve as your best man.”

“Cole quickly shook his head. “Blake, you’re looking great,” he said instead.Blake nodded. “Livia wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Do you have to use the ladies’ room or something?” Livia asked.“No. No, I don’t. I just can’t wait. I’m having all sorts of problems with the waiting.”Livia knew her sister’s secret would bubble out of her soon.Cole put a hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “You wanted to wait, remember? Tell her if you can’t stand it anymore.”At that, Kyle exploded. She waved her sparkling left hand in front of her. “Oh my God! I’m engaged! I’m marrying Cole!”

“Livia wasn’t sure how to comfort Blake. She certainly didn’t have a big pile of clean money to take the place of Beckett’s. “Beckett is all sorts of bad because of what he does, but who he is—that’s very beautiful. Sweetheart, he really stood by me while I waited for you to come out of surgery.” She rose and held out her arm.”

“Uncle or not, he did save your life,” Livia pointed out.Blake bit his bottom lip and shook his head. Livia felt a wintry shiver as he licked his lips.“You saved my life, Livia. Only you.”

“Well, you’re all mine now, Blake. We can handle anything; we will or won’t be charity cases together. I don’t think he’s offering to diaper you and buy you a wagon. Maybe just a cup of coffee?” She touched his hair.He softened. “Together makes this easier to swallow. I guess there’s no harm in talking to the man.”

“The kiss led to embarrassing moaning, and they pulled away, laughing at the need between them.“Being with you might just kill me right now.” Blake held her hands and took slow measured breaths.“I’ll wait until you can pant properly.” Livia looked at him from under her lashes.“Oh crap. That’s not helping.” Blake pretended to do CPR on his own chest.”

“Your future will be full of smiles. I promise.”

“That’s great. You have family.” Livia rubbed Blake’s arm.“You’re my family,” Blake said coldly.”

“Brave Livia, you never cease to amaze me.” He lifted her chin with his finger. “I’ve never been more thankful to be alive than right now.”After soft kisses, they pressed their hands together palm to palm. The tingling scattered all over Livia’s body, warming her.”

“At his slow smile, she gathered him into a gentle hug again. Will I ever be able to stop touching him?”

“The nurses told me what you did, Livia. You made my heart beat in the woods.” He looked at her lips and continued, “You gave me breath. Were you scared, love? I’m sorry.”“You’re apologizing because you stopped breathing?” Livia wrinkled her nose.He nodded reverently. “I left you in the clearing again.”“You took the bullet that had my name on it and let it lodge in your back,” Livia responded. “You never left me in those woods. You gave me strength when I needed it. You don’t need to apologize, but it’s perfectly acceptable for you to never, ever stop breathing again.” She touched his Sorry tattoo.”

“Livia decided she loved watching things go into him. Food, water, love—all these things she could give him.“You look tired. Would you like to nap?” he asked. Blake was definitely back. There was less rasp and more smoke in his silky voice.“No, Blake. I never want to sleep again. Just this.” Livia touched his face. “Only this.”The pride in his eyes almost changed their color. He turned his face to her palm, kissed it, and said, “Come, my love, put your head on my shoulder. Your burdens have been heavy.”In that moment, Livia realized her eyelids were drooping, and the crook of Blake’s arm seemed perfect for her head. His lips stayed on her forehead as he hummed a serene song. Livia fell into a deep, dreamless slumber.”

“Beckett kissed each woman’s cheek and said, “Ladies, I was saying thank you for taking such beautiful care of my brother. You’re angels. Selfless, beautiful fucking angels. I’ll get out of your hair.”

“Finally, when they asked him to speak, he found her gray eyes.His voice was husky and raspy, but his words were clear. “Livia. You love me.”Beckett let her go as she climbed back onto Blake’s bed. Blake moved slowly, but he seemed determined and winced only a little as he reached for her shoulders and pulled Livia against his chest. She wanted to say something, but her sobs took those words from her.His raspy voice moved her hair with his precious, perfect words. “You’re here. With me.”Livia grabbed a fistful of his hospital gown. The strength that had sustained her dissolved into gratitude. To see his light, his face, everything that was Blake again brought relief like she’d never known. He rubbed her back as her body shook with sobs.”