Gordon Korman

“They've got these things called lockers," I raved on. "The Halls are lined with them. And you won't believe what they're for! They're for locking stuff away-so other people won't steal it! Why can't everyone share?" ~ Cap”

“That Mesozoic mama's boy wouldn't have lasted five seconds in the Cretaceous period.”

“The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the cover. Trust me, that dog is going down.”

“Jonah spoke what everyone was thinking. "Wouldn't it be Twilight Zone if the door was open, too?"Hamilton tried the knob. It didn't budge.Ian stepped forward and examined the lock. "Natalie's diary has better security than this." He produced a credit card and slipped it between the latch and the jamb. There was a click, and the door swung wide.”

“They crested a rise, and there it was, in the hollow between rolling hills—a low, square building, ghostly gray in the moonlight."Is that it?" asked Hamilton."It probably isn't the local opera house," groaned Ian.”

“Ian Kabra rolled up his window. "My god, what's that smell?"Behind the wheel, Sinead laughed. "It's called fresh air. Growing up in London, you've probably never breathed it before.""And I hope I never breathe it again.”

“Desperately, Phoenix attempted to maneuver both tips of the instrument around the bullet. He knew that each move caused Nellie unimaginable pain, but he could not grasp the target. "It's no use," he sobbed. "And my hand is going numb."In a frenzy, Nellie shouted something into the gag, but no one could understand her."I beg your pardon, child?" queried Alistair.Nellie spat out the rag and rasped, "Get the Kabra chick!""Natalie?" Fiske exclaimed. "She's fallen completely to pieces.""Get her!" Nellie demanded. "Anybody with eyebrows plucked like that knows how to use a tweezers!"Reagan bounded across the room and came back with a shivering, mewling Natalie."I can't!" she wheezed.Fiske poured alchohol over the girl's beautifully manicured fingers. "You must."Still protesting, her eyes tightly shut, she took over the instrument from Phoenix. "I can't do it! You can't make me—oh!" She said in sudden surprise. "This?" And when she pulled the tweezers out of the wound, the tips were firmly grasping a flattened, blood-slimed bullet.Nellie laughed—and promptly fainted.”

“How you are in this place that has been sealed since the time of Caesar Augustus?" one of the archaeologists demanded in amazement."I was looking for my sister," Dan quipped."Your sister?""Oh—here she is." Dan reached through the opening and hauled out an equally grubby Amy.”

“Change of plan–," she called to Jonah. "Can you drop us off in Rome?""Yo, am I a movie star or a taxi service?" Jonah grumbled from the depths of the script pile."Technically, your neither," Hamilton puffed, lifting weights again. "I mean, you're a star and you've made movies...”

“Wonderful. What's the point of throwing a hissy fit without friends and family on hand to hear it?"-Amy Cahill”

“It was no place for a Kabra, not even a poor one living in exile with a psychopathic cat.He approached the counter and rand the bell with authority. The clerk turned around.Evan Tolliver."You're Amy's cousin!""Yes, I am," Ian confirmed. "I have here a list of items–""Have you heard from her?" Evan interrupted. "Is she okay?""Her health is excellent.""No, I mean–"Ian sighed. "Why should you care? She promises to phone you, and she doesn't. You were nearly arrested, thanks to her. There's a message in there somewhere, don't you agree?"Evan nodded sadly. "I kind of think so, too. But we were awesome together. She's smart, fun to be with, and not immature like most of the girls in our school. It's as if she has an automatic switch for when it's time to be serious–she can almost be old beyond her years at times. Where do you learn something like that?""I have no earthly idea," Ian lied.”

“Hamilton dabbed a tissue at the cut under his eye. "Except for the time I met the Great Khali, that was the coolest thing I've ever done!"The foursome, only slightly the worse for wear, stood on the tarmac of the small airfield outside Milan, transferring their luggage from the limo to Jonah's jet for the flight back to Florence. "You didn't do anything, yo," Jonah seethed. "It was done to all of us by the freak show with the nerve to complain that the family branches are too violent!”

“Dan moved forward and replaced Jonah at the helm. "I've got a plan!""That's my man!" The famous grin disappeared as Jonah took in the grim determination in Dan's features. His expression was as flat and expressionless as a naked skull.Dan steered the hurtling boat directly toward the rocky shore. "Amy, hang onto that painting!""That's not a plan!" Jonah shouted. "That's suicide!”

“Dan was suspicious. "How did he find out where we were staying?"Amy frowned. "I think that's the message inside the message. He wants us to know that he has a long reach–that's he's rich and powerful.""Like we'll see his giant mansion and assume he works at Burger King," scoffed Dan.”

“A bronze plaque read: GAIUS PLINIUS CAECILIUS SECUNDUSDan made a face. "Get a load of the guy with the funny name.""I think that's Pliny the younger, the famous Roman writer," Amy supplied. She bent down to read the English portion of the tablet. "Right. In A.D. 79, Pliny chronicled the destruction of Pompeii by the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. It's one of the earliest eyewitness accounts of a major disaster."Dan yawned. "Doesn't this remind you of the clue hunt? You know–you telling me a bunch of boring stuff, and me not listening?”

“Ian sighed wanly. "I once had the means to be gaga over art–before I found myself in a country where the standard of beauty is toaster waffles shaped like cartoon characters.”

“Hamilton was bug-eyed. "Who are those people?"Jonah held his head. "Man, I should have known it was a mistake to say I'd be leaving town soon! Why do fans have to be so literal?""Are they going to let us go get the faxes?" Hamilton asked.Jonah stared at him. "You're kidding, right?”

“The key to the city of Florence was about two feet long, and painted a garish gold.Hamilton was fascinated by it. "Wow! How big is the lock?"Jonah laughed. "There is no lock, cuz. It's an honorary gig. Back in my crib in LA, I've got a whole shed full of keys from different cities. Want to know the kicker? I can't get at them. The gardener lost the key to the shed.”

“Where's Amy?" Ian put in. "Will you please get her to call that Evan character? He rings here twenty times a day. He's either the most mule-headed person who ever lived, or he really likes your sister. She has to have mercy on him–on all of us!”

“The phone rang in the comm. center. Ian consulted the monitor. "It's Dan." He pressed a button. "Kabra here."Dan's voice crackled through the attic. "Don't say it like that," he complained. "Your name still gives me heartburn.”

“Ow!""Hold still," Sinead ordered. "And don't be such a baby." She dabbed at the angry red mark behind Ian's ear. "Cat scratches are prone to infection, you know.""And that's my fault?" Ian raged. "Why don't you lock that animal in the cellar? Or, better still, send him to a violen string factory! Ow! What is this stuff–acid?""My own concoction," she replied cheerfully. "Amy and I use it on our blisters when we do marathon training. Soothing, right?""They practice this kind of soothing in the Lucian stronghold–during interrogations.”

“Fiske spoke sharply to the four walls. "We need medical attention immediately. We have a gunshot wound that requires treatment.""You're not going to get through to them by talking like an English professor," scoffed Reagan. "Hey!" she bawled. "Get a doctor down here! She's in pain, thanks to you! What are you going to do about it?”

“What does it feel like to get shot?""I don't recommend it," said Nellie in a controlled voice. "Chocolate is definitely better.”

“Dan inched closer. "Are her eyelids moving?"Jonah was on his feet now, cheerleading. "Get up, babysitter! Up! Up!”

“Free food!" mumbled Hamilton, his mouth full. "No wonder you're rich. You don't have to pay for anything.""Since when is it free?" Jonah demanded. "If I don't leave a big tip, it'll be all over Europe that the Wiz is a cheapskate! They'll seat me behind the sound-man from the penguin movie at the Oscars!”

“No fair! Those guys ripped off what we rightfully stole!”

“Sinead broke in. "The cops need to know what to do with Evan, Amy. What should I tell them?""Shoot to kill?" Ian suggested.”

“Jonah peered critically up at the Renaissance masterpiece. "Man, those copies don't due it justice. This one's the truth!""Only a Janus," groaned Hamilton.”

“Hamilton had a complaint. "Why did you have to tell the cops I'm your boyfriend? That's gross, Amy. We're related!"Amy was disgusted. "We had a common ancestor, like, five hundred years ago. Besides, if they think we're together, we only have to come up with one story, and I can do all the talking.""Hey, I got an early acceptance to Notre Dame," Hamilton said defensively. "I can talk.""Of course you can," Amy soothed. "It's what you say that might get us into trouble.”

“Art theft gave a guy an appetite.”

“Here's some more stuff we're going to need."1 pair coveralls1 extension ladder (30 foot)1 glass cutter1 artist's portfolio (large)1 water pistol1 bottle india ink1 portable trampoline (collapsible)1 bicycle w/basket4 pizza boxesJonah whistled. "I hope you've got some crazy evil-genius strategy, 'cause–straight up–I don't get it.”

“Check it out."Jonah removed the bubble wrap and held up the picture for his three cousins.Dan took a step backward. The shock was almost as powerful as it had been the day before at the Uffizi. "It's perfect! It's every bit as disgusting as the real one!"Amy nodded. "And so fast. We only called you yesterday."Jonah shrugged. "Even the Janus take a short cut every now and then. You can do a lot with digitization these days. You break the picture down to squares and reproduce them one at a time. The other two are just as fly.""You mean, hog ugly," Hamilton amended. "The serpents don't help," Dan put in critically. "Live fat spaghetti. Lady, if you're thinking of a modeling career, forget it!" The rapper clucked sympathetically. "You guys just don't appreciate the power of the visual image. The Wiz used to be like that–until Gangsta Kronikles. When you're in film industry, you understand the whole picture's-worth-a-thousand-words deal."Hamilton rolled his eyes. "Here we go again.”

“There's always a way," his sister lectured. "We'll need help, though.""What help?"Amy grinned. "Sometimes it doesn't hurt to be a part of the most powerful family in human history.”

“We don't have to love it. We just have to steal it.”

“I'm starving. When we check into our hotel, let's ask the desk clerk where we can find one of those vast pizzas.""What are you talking about?""Your guidebook says Florence is a city of vast pizzas. Look it up yourself.""Those are vast piazzas, not pizzas! It means public squares!"Dan's face fell. "Oh."Amy sighed. "I honestly thought the clue hunt took the dweeb out of you. No such luck.”

“Dan instantly recognized the angry scratch that stretched from the corner of Ian's eye all the way along the olive skin to his chin. "Have you been messing with Saladin?""No. Saladin has been messing with me," Ian shot back."He isn't big on Lucians," Dan explained. "Animals are really good judges of character.”

“The computer beeped as the upload completed. A moment later, Ian Kabra appeared on the screen.Dan was surprised. "Hey, Ian, isn't it, like, two in the morning back there?""It's called jet lag," Ian informed him. "I'm still on London time. I don't suppose you savages have any tea in this mausoleum.""There's a diet Snapple in the fridge."Ian shuddered. "I thought not.”

“Nellie Gomez awoke to a splitting headache. Worse, she was still hungry."Where's my croissant?" she demanded of the person leaning over her."Dear child," came a strangely familiar voice."Don't 'dear child' me!" she snapped. The twenty-two-year-old punk rocker ran black-polished fingernails through black-and-orange-dyed hair, which did nothing to soothe the pounding behind her black-shaded eyes. "Give me my croissant or I'll–"It was then that she suddenly realized she was threatening the venerable Alistair Oh. "Alistair, what are you doing here?”

“Don't think of it as losing a boyfriend. Think of it as gaining a stalker."-Dan Cahill”

“You two have to promise to be careful!" Sinead handed Amy a small plastic bag. "I made you a going-away present–a high-powered miniature smoke bomb. Could come in handy against the Vespers. It works with knockout gas, so I tossed in a couple of breathing filters.""That's the Cahill equivalent of a Hallmark moment," Dan observed. "A smoke bomb. When you care enough to send the very best–explosives.""I'm not a flowers-and-candy kind of girl," Sinead informed him.”

“Amy hugged Sinead, and Dan scratched Saladin. "Later, Saladin. Take it easy on Kabra. On second thought, don't.”

“Yeah!" shouted Jonah, twirling the much larger Hamilton around the restaurant in a victory dance.The other diners watched in amazement. This wild display was hardly the public image of the too-cool-for-school Jonah Wizard."What's the matter?" Hamilton challenged. "Haven't you ever seen a happy rapper before?”

“Amy was profoundly shocked. "A little over an hour ago, our bus was attacked by three men in ski masks. They definitely knew me, and probably Dan, too. We fought them off, but it could've gone either way.""Like if they'd used a cookie truck instead of a gas tanker," Dan added. "Nobody's scared of Oreos.”

“Global warming doesn't care what's in your bank account."-Sinead Starling”

“Who's that new guy with the snooty accent who came out and talked to the police?" Evan persisted. "He looks like some kind of male model.""That's just my cousin Ian," Amy explained."Not much of a family resemblance," Evan noted sourly."He's like a twenty-fifth cousin, ten times removed."Evan was not satisfied.”

“Who's Evan?" Ian asked."Amy's boyfriend!""Amy, since when do you have a boyfriend?" Ian probed."Since none of your business!”

“Your pants didn't get smaller, Mommy," I assured her. "Your butt got bigger.”

“Dear Mr. Weston, Hello again. We were beginning to wonder what had happened to you. I guess things have been pretty quiet since the Salvation Army tried to take over the world. We are sorry, but after much deliberation we have elected not to assign any men to Protect Trillium Air Base. We feel that the Forces can protect themselves, and if they can't, who is going to protect the country? Also, thank you for sending us that shard of broken glass with the fingerprint on it. It was yours. Our mail clerk required four stitches and a tetanus shot. Relay our condolences to your Mr. Waghorn. We have no idea what unfortunate circumstance (for him) drew him to your ever-watchful attention, but he has no criminal record and his face is not known to us. Yours Sincerely,Bruce Hmmm, thought Sidney, Waghorn has no criminal record. "Let me see one of those," said Tom. "I'm sorry, Tom, but I can't show you the letters." Tom muttered something about a lack of trust. He was extremely alarmed at the intensity of Sidney's expression. As Sidney himself would have put it, the investigation was progressing. That meant trouble. There was always trouble when his brother got to the letter-writing stage. Tom would have to stay on his toes. Sidney opened the last letter. Dear Mr. Weston, Please stop bothering us. Cordially yours,The Ontario Provincial Police.”

“Ask yourself: 'Do I feel the need to laminate?' Then teaching is for you.”

“For someone who's smarter than a supercomputer, sometimes you're a real idiot.”