Ilona Andrews

“Is there any chance you'd overthrow the tyrannical Beast Lord and his psychotic consort?""Yeah, I want a vacation."-Kate & Curran to Jim”

“The Dude just pounded his way in a straight line, convinced that the lion was a figment of his imagination and that the vampire ahead of him was just Grendel's deformed mutant brother.”

“The lion has to stay outside""He won't like it"The lion shook his mane. I looked at Curran. The lion melted. Skin stretched, bones twisted, and human Curran straightened. He was completely nude. Gloriously nude."Well," Hrefna said. "I always wondered why you went all shapeshifter. Explain things.”

“I dived for it, caught it three inches above the cement, and found myself face-to-face with the salamander. Ruby-red eyes regarded me with mild curiosity, black lips parted, and a long, spiderweb-thin filament of a tongue slithered from the salamander’s mouth and kissed the sphere’s glass in the reflection of my nose. Hi, I love you, too.”

“Across from me at the next row of supports Jim raised his hand and touched his fingers to his thumb a few times, imitating an opening and closing beak. Negotiate. He wanted me to engage a lunatic who had already turned four people into smoking meat. Okay. I could do that. “Alright, Jeremy!” I yelled into the night. “Give me the salamander and I won’t cut your head off!”Jim put his hand over his face and did some shaking. I thought he was laughing, but I couldn’t be sure.”

“If there is anything I can do, I'll help. Don't get excited. It's not because of you. For the child. If it wasn't for her and the flare, I'd throw your dumb ass out of this window.""What does the flare as to do with it?""I don't want it to be attributed to a loss of control on my part. When I thorw you out of the window, I want there to beno doubt the act was deliberate.”

“Why me?" He said finally. "Are you on some sort of mission to fuck up my life?""I try my best to avoid you.""You're doing a hell of a job.""I honestly don't mean to cause you problems.""You don't cause problems. An unpiloted vampire causes problems. You cause catastrophes.”

“There is no such thing as privacy between a deity and his worshipper. There are no secrets, no glossed-over failures. Only promises kept and abandoned, sins committed and imagined, and raw emotion. How many of us are ready to have our lives judged? What would happen if we were found wanting?”

“You do realize you just insulted me, right?""How so?""You implied that I can't protect her or my people."I looked at him. "That's not at all what I meant.""Apologize and I'll let it go."I kept my hands firmly on the iron rail before me. Grabbing the weight bar and walloping the Beast Lord upside the head wouldn't be the best diplomatic move."I'm sorry, Your Majesty." There. I was civil. It almost killed me.”

“Derek, if a boy wanted to take away a girl's power by having sex with her, what would you think about it?""I'd break something. His leg. Maybe his arm." He squeezed the wire tighter. "Probably wouldn't kill him unless he wanted to make an issue of it.”

“Who are you, what are you doing here, who is Hood, why does he want Julie, and where is Julie's mother?""Is that all!" He wiped the red smudge off his lip with the back of his hand."Yes. No. Why is the cauldron important, where did it go, how is Morrigan involved, where do you go when you disappear, and why do you keep stealing the maps? Okay, now that's everything.”

“What's with the cute shoelace on your head?""What this?" He flicked the end of the cord with his finger."Yeah. Rambo called, he wants his bandana back.”

“Damn Jeremy, you need to work on your vocabulary. So many good names to call me and the best you could come up with is bitch? Give me the salamander before you hurt yourself.""Suck my dick...whore!”

“I've got a gig," Jim said.I sat up in my bed, wide-awake. A gig was good- I needed the money. "Half.""Third.""Half.""Thirty-five percent." Jim's voice hardened."Half."The phone went silent as my former Guild partner mulled it over. "Okay, forty."I hung up.(...)The phone rang. I let it ring twice before I picked it up."Fine." Jim's voice had a hint of a snarl in it. "Half.”

“Crazy Curran ranked right up there with monsoons, tornadoes, earthquakes, and other natural disasters.”

“Cats randomly refuse to follow orders to prove they can.”

“When a lion stalks a herd, he sneaks in close, lies down, and surveys them to choose his victim. He takes his time. The deer or buffalo have no idea he’s near. He finds his prey and then he explodes from his hiding place and grabs it. Even if another, perfectly serviceable animal ends up within his reach, he isn’t going to alter his course. He has chosen, and he would rather go hungry than change his mind.”

“An evil light sparked in his eyes. "You could always go for Plan B.""Pound everyone to a bloody pulp until they shut up and cooperate?""Exactly."-Curran and Kate”

“This it the hand that slapped Aunt B, here you can touch it since you're my best friend”

“Go brush your teeth, comb your hair, put on dry clothes, and get the guns. We're going to Wal-Mart”

“Dance when the moon sings, and don't cry about troubles that haven't yet come”

“Strawberry Shortcake called, she wants her outfit back”

“If a man takes you to a restaurant of his choosing, don’t compliment him. Rave about the quality of the food and he’ll be thrilled, because he took you there.”

“At the core, our motives are always self-serving, Kate. Altruism is a fog created by sly minds seeking to benefit from the energy and skill of others. Nothing more.”

“Yep.” Eloquence ’R’ Us. When in trouble, keep it monosyllabic—safer that way.”

“Mmmm, Kate, the Chief of Security. Sexy. Who better to guard my body then the woman who owns it?""Curran, I will punch you.”

“Who is that?”“Your replacement.”“You replaced me with a shaved poodle?”“He's got mad skills.”

“I did some thinking.” “That is a very dangerous pastime,” Ghastek said.”

“I wondered if kicking him in the head would make the whole explanation pop out of his mouth in one chunk.”

“First, it’s used.” “Now look here,” Teddy Jo growled. “It’s not a Cadillac. It’s a body freezer. The value doesn’t drop because you drive it off the lot.” “I don’t know what sort of bodies you stuck in there, Teddy. You might have put a leucrocuta in there. Those things stink.” “It’s not like the dead gonna care. They can’t smell shit, and they themselves ain’t gonna get to smelling any better.”

“Did the Order return your sense of humor as part of the severance package?”

“Does Curran not involve you in his strategic sessions?” Ghastek asked. “Nope, I’m just here to look pretty.”

“The Beast Lord way: often wrong but never in doubt.”

“I’ve seen your foot up close.” Curran pointed to his chest. “I’ve seen it here.” He moved his hand to his jaw. “Here.” He touched the place over his cheek where my kick had cut him. “And here.”

“I came to the table, pulled up a chair, and sat. “Everyone brought a pet. I feel left out.” An enthusiastic howl broke the silence, and Grendel bounded through the doorway. He galloped through the steak house, skidded on the floor, smashed into my chair, and dropped a dead rat on my lap. Awesome.”

“Curran roared. The blast of noise erupting from his mouth was like thunder. I clenched up, fighting the urge to step back. “Yes I can,” he snarled. “Listen: this is me telling you what you will not do.” I raised the cookbook and tapped him on the nose. Bad cat.”

“What’s Julie’s number?” Curran glanced at me. “Julie’s fluctuating between thirty-two and thirty-four units. Her shift coefficient is six point five and she’s been at it for sixteen hours.” Dear God, I’d need a damn calculator.”

“Your master plan has holes big enough to drive a truck through.”

“Go play your games with Jim. I'll find you both when I need you." Arrogant asshole. "I tell you what, if you find us before those three days run out, I'll cook you a damn dinner and serve it to you naked." "Is that a promise?" "Yes. Go fuck yourself.”

“Living in your dreams meant bitter disappointment when you woke up.”

“I reached over and squeezed Curran’s hand. “Come on, you, me, a platter of barely seared meat, it will be great. If we see the navigators, we can make fun of the way they hold their forks.”

“Oh, so it was a lifesaving kiss.""Well, if you want to put it that way..."Arrogant jackass. "Do me a favor: next time you think my life needs saving, just let me die. I'd really prefer it."He laughed.She shook her head. "I'm going to the front with the boys. Don't follow me. You and your paramedic kisses need time to cool off.”

“Curran shrugged and pulled me back to him. 'You don't pick the family you're born into. You pick the one you make. I already chose my mate and glued her ass to the chair to make sure she knew it.”

“Doode," George said.He'd practiced all morning but still didn't get it quite right. "Nope, more u, less oo. Duuude.""Dude.""Dude.""Okay, dude." George nodded. "How's it hanging?" Jack asked. "How am I supposed to answer that?" George looked at him. "I don't think Kaldar said anything about that. I guess 'good'? I don't get it. What's hanging anyway?"George shook his head. "Your stuff, you nimwit."His stuff...Oh. Ha! "In that case, it's hanging long!" Jack dissolved in giggles. "Long, get it?”

“And I meant to tell you: that was a one-in-a-thousand shot."She raised her hand. "Don't.""It was awesome," George confirmed. "It really was," Jack said. "His head exploded.”

“Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything.”

“Stealers, keepers.”

“When walking into the lair of the dragon after robbing his hoard, the least you could do is hold you head high [...]”

“Breaking into the house in the middle of the night just wasn't his style. He did his best work in plain view, and, usually, his tongue was doing most of it.Now that was an interesting thought. Heh.”

“Audrey turned to him, a sly little spark hiding in her eyes. "THe only man who gets to call me'love' would be waking up next to me after a very, very fun night. Fun night. Oh yes."Guess what?" She leaned closer. "You will never be that man.”