Jamie McGuire

“I couldn’t imagine love was like this for everyone, or men would be walking around like lunatics the second they were old enough to notice girls.Maybe it was just me. Maybe it was just me and her. Maybe together we were this volatile entity that would either implode or meld together. Either way, it seemed the moment I met her, my life hadbeen turned upside down. And I didn’t want it any other way.”

“No, sitting up with you when you were sick, and you falling asleep in my lap, was one of my best nights. It wasn’t comfortable, I didn’t sleep worth a shit, but I brought in your nineteenth birthday with you, and you’re actually pretty sweet when you’re drunk.”

“Abby was lying weak and sick in my arms, depending on me to take care of her. In that moment I recognized that my feelings for her were a lot stronger than I thought. Sometime between the moment we met, and holding her on that bathroom floor, I had fallen in love with her.”

“My very presence seemed to make her want to puke, and I found that strangely endearing.”

“You are officially the coolest person I know." "That's sad, Finch. You should get out more.”

“You need to walk away, Pidge. God knows I can't walk away from you.”

“I frowned. “I need her more than Jesus does.”

“She'd say thank you for giving her boy back something that left him when she did.”

“She's going to be there.Showing up would be a mistake.It would be awkward.She's going to be there.What if someone asks her to dance?What if she meets her future husband and I'm there to witness it?She doesn't want to see me.I might get drunk and do something to piss her off.She might get drunk and do something to piss me off.I shouldn't go.I had to go. She was going to be there.”

“Even though we’d put each other through hell, we’d found heaven.”

“Jesús, alguna vez quise decir las palabras, pero apenas podía admitirlo ante mí mismo, y mucho menos a ella. En el fondo yo sabía que era un pedazo de mierda, y ella se merecía algo mejor. Una parte de mí quería que la llevara a la habitación y mostrarle por qué ella era diferente, pero también fue lo único que me detuvo. Ella era mi opuesto: Inocente en la superficie, y dañada profundamente en su interior. Había algo en ella que necesitaba en mi vida, y aunque no estaba seguro de lo que era, no podía dar a mis malos hábitos y joderla. Ella era el tipo de las que perdona, yo podía ver, pero tenía líneas dibujadas que yo sabía que no debía cruzarlas.”

“Decidí hace mucho tiempo que alimentaria a los buitres hasta que una paloma llegara. Una paloma. El tipo de alma que no impedía a nadie, simplemente caminaría alrededor preocupándose por sus propios asuntos, tratando de pasar por la vida sin tener que tirar abajo todos los demás con sus propias necesidades y hábitos egoístas”

“Get in the fucking car. You're a mean drunk.You haven't seen me mean, mama's boy!I told you we're close!Yeah, so are me and my asshole! Doesn't mean I'm going to call it twice a day!”

“She ripped the wild bun down from the crown of her head, and then brushed her long hair with her fingers. I couldn’t stop staring while she rewrapped it and tied it back again. I imagined that this was what she looked like in the morning, and then had to think about the first ten minutes of Saving Private Ryan to keep my dick from getting hard.”

“Besides, there was something under the good girl facade. She hated me on sight because she’d been burned by someone like me before. No way was she a slut, though. Not even a reformed slut. I could spot them a mile away. My game face slowly melted away. I’d finally found a girl that was interesting enough to get to know, and a version of me had already hurt her.”

“Abby was ass up, her arms dangling behind me.Abby moaned, and then her body lurched. The awful groan/growl that always accompanied vomit preceded a splashing sound. The back of my legs felt wet."Tell me she didn't," I said, frozen.Shepley bent back for a second, and then righted himself. "She did.”

“Now that it's over, I wish I could have all the bad stuff back... just so I could have the good.”

“Even though I'd told her that I couldn't walk away from her, I finally realized that I loved her too much to fuck her life by staying, or to lose her completely by forcing us both to hang on until we hated each other.”

“Can I borrow your phone?" she asked.I frowned, unsure what she would do. "Sure." I pulled my phone from my pocket, handing it to her.She fingered the buttons for a moment, and then dialed, closing her eyes as she waited."I'm sorry for calling you so early," she stammered, "but this couldn't wait. I . . . can't go to dinner with you on Wednesday."She had called Parker. My hands trembled with apprehension, wondering if she was going to ask him to pick her up - to save her - or something else.She continue, "I can't see you at all, actually. I'm . . . pretty sure I'm in love with Travis."My whole world stopped. I tried to replay her words over. Had I heard them correctly? Did she really just say what I thought she had, or was it just wishful thinking? Abby handed the phone back to me, and then reluctantly peered up into my eyes."He hung up," she said with a frown."You love me?""It's the tattoos," she said, flippant and shrugging, as if she hadn't just said the one thing I'd ever wanted to hear.Pigeon loved me.”

“You can't tell me what to do anymore, Travis! I don't belong to you!"Her words ignited a deep anger inside me. I stomped to the bed, planted my hands on the mattress on each side of her thighs, and leaned into her face. "Well, I belong to you!" I screamed. I put so much force behind my words, I could feel all the blood rush to my face. Abby met my glare, refusing to even flinch. I looked at her lips, panting. "I belong you," I whispered, my anger fading as desire took over.”

“Her shoulders fell. "I know you didn't. But you have got to curb this overprotective big-brother thing you've got going on."I laughed once. She really didn't get it. "I'm not playing the big brother, Pigeon. Not even close.”

“Uno de estos días, te enamorarás, hijo. No te conformes con cualquier persona. Elige a la chica que no sea fácil, una por la que tengas que luchar, y después nunca dejes de pelear. Nunca... —Toma un suspiro profundo—, dejes de luchar por lo que quieres. Y nunca... —Frunció el ceño—, olvides que mami te ama. Incluso si no puedes verme. —Una lágrima cayó por su mejilla—. Siempre, siempre te amaré.”

“Oh! Thanks for the public service announcement about what not to do in college, Mr. Eighteen-year-old-frat-boy-with-eleventy-billion-'serious'-girlfriends-under-his-belt! Get in the fucking car. You're a mean drunk. You haven't seen me mean, mama's boy!I told you we're close!Yeah, so are me and my asshole! Doesn't mean I'm going to call it twice a day!You're a bitch! Take. Me. Home. I'd love to, if you'd get in the fucking car!”

“As many times as I had seen them crying or losing sleep over some dumb bitch in a pair of fuck-me heels that never gave a shit about them anyway, I couldn’t understand it. The women that were worth that kind of heartbreak wouldn’t let you fall for them so easy. They wouldn’t bend over your couch, or allow you to charm them into their bedroom on the first- or even the tenth.”

“She was happier than I'd ever seen her, and for the first time, I felt like a normal, whole human being instead of some broken, angry man.”

“I stumbled into the living room, and Thomas handed me a bottle of whiskey. They all had some in a glass"You told them?" I asked Trenton, my voice broken. Trenton nodded.I collapsed to my knees, and my brothers surrounded me, placing their hands on my head and shoulders for support.”

“I was just as in love with her in our eleventh year as I was in the first. Every anniversary was a victory, a middle finger to everyone who thought we wouldn't last. Abby tamed me, marriage settled me down, and when I became a father, my entire outlook changed.”

“Abby did a little happy dance before jogging down the hall to the bedroom. The corners of my mouth turned up. What other woman would be that excited to see her boyfriend trade punches? No wonder I fell in love with her.”

“Losing Abby wasn't a story I remembered from early childhood--it was in my face, debilitating me like a sickness, robbing me of my senses and physically, excruciatingly painful. My mother's words echoed in my ear. Abby was the girl I had to fight for, and I went down fighting. None of it was ever going to be enough.”

“I’ll give you the happy ever after, Pigeon. If you just believe in me, I can do it.”

“Abby. She’s a pigeon. A demonic pigeon that fucks with my head so bad I can’t think straight. Nothing makes sense anymore, Cam. Every rule I’ve ever made’s getting broken one by one. I’m a pussy. No… worse. I’m Shep.”

“Do you want the whole school to think I’m one of your sluts?” My sluts? They weren’t mine. Hence them being sluts.”

“Fuckin’ A. Bedtime.”

“I even got a pretty good handle on which week I shouldn’t give her any extra shit, which fortunately for Shepley, was the same week not to fuck with America. That way, we had three weeks to not be on guard instead of two, and we could give each other fair warning.”

“I was annoying her and found it pretty amusing. Girls didn’t usually treat me with unadulterated loathing, even when I was showing them the door.”

“Most girls bored me outta my gourd, but this girl was intriguing. Entertaining, even. I didn’t faze her, at least not in a positive way. My very presence seemed to make her want to puke, and I found that strangely endearing.”

“I had one rule: respect. For me, my family, and for my friends … It might sound hypocritical to the women that have passed through my apartment door, but if they carried themselves with respect, I would have given it to them.”

“Welcome to the blood bath! If you are looking for Economics 101…you are in the wrong fucking place, my friend! If you seek the Circle, this is Mecca!”

“I told you we're close!""Yeah, so are me and my asshole! Doesn't mean I'm going to call it twice a day!”

“Her expression turned serious. "In another life, I could love you."I watched her for a moment, staring into her glassed-over eyes. She was drunk, but just for a moment it didn't seem wrong to pretend she meant it."I might love you in this one.”

“Say what you want. Being a psychotic asshole has it's perks.”

“I found a Cairn Terrier online. It’s perfect.”“A what?”“Pidge is from Kansas. It’s the same kind of dog Dorothy had in the Wizard of Oz.”Shepley’s face was blank. “The Wizard of Oz.”“What? I liked the scarecrow when I was a little kid, shut the fuck up.”“It’s going to crap every where, Travis. It’ll bark and whine and … I don’t know.”“So does America … minus the crapping.”

“I still love you, Pidge.”She didn’t look up. “Don’t. I’m not doing this for you.”I sucked in a breath, physical pain shooting in all directions in my chest. “I know.”

“What do you think?” she asked, pouting her lips attempting to imitate a model . . . or a duck. I wasn’t sure which.”

“I was in love with her; couldn’t imagine my life without her in it; but at the same time, I wanted her to have better.”

“I thought about my mother, and the words she said to me almost a lifetime ago. That’s when it clicked: she had asked me not to settle, to fight for the person I loved, and for the first time, I did what she expected of me. I had finally lived up to who she wanted me to be.”

“I shook my head, sweeping my lips across hers. Not good enough. “I need to hear you say it. I need to know you’re mine.”“I’ve been yours since the second wemet,” she said, begging. I stared into her eyes for a few seconds, and then felt my mouth turn up into a half smile, hoping her words were true and not just spoken in the moment. I leaned down and kissed her tenderly, and then she slowly pulled me into her. My entire body felt like it was melting inside of her.“Say it again.” Part of me couldn’t believe it was all really happening.“I’m yours.” She breathed. “I don’t ever want to be apart from you again.”“Promise me,” I said, groaning with another thrust.“I love you. I’ll love you forever.” She looked straight into my eyes when she spoke, and it finally clicked that her words weren’t just an empty promise.”

“Kiss me!” I pleaded. “Please, Pigeon! I told him no!”Abby shoved me away. “Leave me alone, Travis!”She shouldered passed me, but I grabbed her wrist. She kept her arm straight, outstretched behind her, but she didn’t turn around. “I am begging you.” I fell to my knees, her hand still in mine. My breath puffed out in white steam as I spoke, reminding me of the cold. “I’m begging you, Abby. Don’t do this.” Abby glanced back, and then her eyes drifted down her arm to mine, seeing the tattoo on my wrist. The tattoo that bared her name.She looked away, toward the cafeteria. “Let me go, Travis.” The air knocked out of me, and with all hope obliterated, I relaxed my hand, and let her slip out of my fingers. Abby didn’t look back as she walked away from me, and my palms fell flat on the sidewalk. She wasn’t coming back. She didn’t want me anymore, and there was nothing I could do or say to change it.”

“Abby touched her palm to my cheek. "You know what, Mr. Maddox?""What, baby?"Her expression turned serious."In another life, I could love you."I watched her for a moment, staring into her glassed over eyes. She was drunk, but just for a moment it didn't seem wrong to pretend that she meant it."I might love you in this one.”

“When the sad went away, i would always play, and i would always fight. Hard.”