Jamie McGuire

“On our way to the cafeteria, he took my hand in his, intertwining our fingers as we walked. He seemed so proud to be holding my hand, announcing to the world that we were finally together.”

“He watched me expectantly, and I couldn’t help but smile. I had never seen this side of him. “I trust you, you know.”He pressed his lips to mine. “I wouldn’t blame you if you expected me to earn it.”“I’ve got to get in the shower. I’ve already missed one class.”“See? I’m a good influence already.”

“He kissed me before looking at the display, and then shook his head. “Yeah? It was my girlfriend, what do you need, Megan?” He listened for a moment and then smiled, “Well, Pigeon’s special, what can I say?” After a long pause, he rolled his eyes. I could only imagine what she was saying. “Don’t be a bitch, Megan. Listen, you can’t call my phone anymore….Well, love’ll do that to ya,” he said, looking at me with a soft expression. “Yes, with Abby. I mean it, Meg, no more phone calls…Later.”

“I love you, Abby. I’m going to make you happy, I swear it.”

“I awoke on my stomach, naked and tangled in Travis Maddox’s sheets. I kept my eyes closed, feeling his fingers caressing my arm and back.He exhaled with a deep, contented sigh, speaking in a hushed voice. “I love you, Abby. I’m going to make you happy, I swear it.”

“Don’t leave this time, okay? I wanna wake up just like this in the morning.”“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Travis pulled me next to him, situating the covers over us. I rested my cheek against his chest, and he kissed my forehead once more, locking his fingers together behind me.”

“Oh my God, Abby,” he breathed. He rocked into me again, another hum emanating from his throat. “Holy shit, you feel amazing.”“Is it different?”He looked into my eyes. “It’s different with you, anyway, but,” he took in a deep breath and tensed again, closing his eyes for a moment, “I’m never going to be the same after this.”

“Ssh, I’m counting.” Travis watched me for a moment, and then leaned down to kiss my neck. “I can’t concentrate while you’re doing tha…”

“Shit,” he said, panting and frustrated. “I got rid of them.”“What? All of them?” I breathed.“I thought you didn’t…if I wasn’t with you, I wasn’t going to need them.”

“Fuck no, Trav, you’re not pulling this shit! You’re in love with Ab…,” his eyes focused and he recognized his mistake, “…by. Hey, Abby.”

“It hasn’t seemed like home since you left,” he said, kissing my lips.”

“I…can’t go to dinner with you on Wednesday.”“It’s almost four in the morning, Abby. What’s going on?”“I can’t see you at all, actually.”“Abs....”“I’m…pretty sure I’m in love with Travis,” I said, bracing for his reaction.”

“Any thoughts of being with Parker were long gone, and I knew it was because of my feelings for Travis. I thought about the different paths my life would take from that moment—trusting Travis with a leap of faith and risking the unknown, or pushing him away and knowing exactly where I would end up, which included a life without him—either decision terrified me.”

“I’ll stop fighting the second I graduate. I won’t drink a single drop again. I’ll give you the happy ever after, Pigeon. If you just believe in me, I can do it.”

“I turned away from his grip, ashamed that I couldn’t tell him the truth. I was the one that wasn’t good enough. I would be the one to ruin everything; to ruin him. He would hate me one day, and I couldn’t see the look in his eye when he came to that conclusion.”

“He shook his head, cupped each side of my face, and looked into my eyes. “Did you sleep with him?”Hot tears filled my eyes as I shook my head no. He slammed his lips against mine, and his tongue entered my mouth without hesitation. Unable to control myself, I gripped his shirt in my fists, and pulled him to me. He hummed in his amazing, deep voice, and gripped me so tight that it was difficult to breathe.”

“When we met, something inside both of us had changed, and whatever that was, it made us need each other. For reasons unknown to me, I was his exception, and as much as I had tried to fight my feelings, he was mine.”

“You think because I’m no longer a virgin, I’ll screw anyone that’ll have me? Thanks!” I said, shoving him.“I didn’t say that, damn it! Is it too much to ask for a little peace of mind?”“Why would it give you peace of mind to know if I’m sleeping with Parker?”“How can you not know? It’s obvious to everyone else but you!” he said, exasperated.”

“You really know how to screw up a perfect night, don’t you?”“You thought it was perfect, huh? Does that mean you had a good time?”“I always do when I’m with you.”

“You’re important to me, you know,” I said, squeezing him.“I don’t understand you, Pigeon. I thought I knew women, but you’re so fucking confusing I don’t know which way is up.”“I don’t understand you, either. You’re supposed to be Eastern’s ladies’ man. I’m not getting the full freshmen experience they promised in the brochure,” I teased.“Well, that’s a first. I’ve never had a girl sleep with me to get me to leave her alone,” he said, keeping his back to me.”

“I rested my cheek against his back and closed my eyes, breathing in his scent. It reminded me of his apartment, and his sheets, and the way he smelled when he walked around with a towel around his waist. The city blurred past us, and I didn’t care how fast he was driving, or how cold the wind was as it whipped across my skin; I wasn’t even paying attention to where we were. The only thing I could think about was his body against mine. We had no destination or time frame, and we drove the streets long after they had been abandoned by everyone but us.”

“We’re going bowling tomorrow. Can’t you wait until then?”“I went from being with you every second of the day to seeing you for ten minutes if I’m lucky.”I smiled and shook my head. “It’s only been two days, Trav.”“I miss you. Get your ass on the seat and let’s go.”I couldn’t argue. I missed him, too. More than I would ever admit to him. I zipped up my jacket and climbed on behind him, slipping my fingers through the belt loops of his jeans. He pulled my wrists to his chest and then folded them across one another. Once he was satisfied that I was holding him tightly enough, he took off, racing down the road.”

“You just had a disappointing date with Parker, and you smiled when Travis called. Are you really that dense?”

“As hard as I tried to push the thought from my head, I couldn’t deny that it was my plans with Travis that had brightened my mood.”

“No, it’s not okay. You said you wanna be friends, but we can’t hang out?” I rolled my eyes, and Travis huffed. “Don’t roll your eyes at me. Are you coming or not?”

“All emotion disappeared from his face and he took a deep breath through his nose. “I know what you’re trying to do.” His eyes unfocused for a moment, lost in thought. “I’ll just have to prove it to you, then.” His eyes narrowed as he looked into my eyes, determined as he was before one of his fights. “If you think I’m just going to go back to fucking around, you’re wrong. I don’t want anyone else. You wanna be friends? Fine, we’re friends. But you and I both know that what happened wasn’t just sex.”

“He walked away from me, and I swallowed, trying to keep the tears at bay. Travis stopped and came back, leaning into my face. “That’s why you said I wouldn’t miss you after today! You knew I’d find out about you and Parker, and you thought I’d just…what? Get over you? Do you not trust me, or am I just not good enough? Tell me, damn it! Tell me what the fuck I did to you to make you do this!”I stood my ground, staring straight into his eyes. “You didn’t do anything to me. Since when is sex so life or death to you?”“Since it was with you!”

“Her hand covered mine, and she spoke softly. “Travis needs work. Trust me, I understand any and all reservations you have about him, but look how much he’s already changed for you. Think about the last two weeks, Abby. He’s not Mick.”“I’m Mick! I get involved with Travis and everything we’ve worked for…poof!” I snapped my fingers. “Just like that!”

“I hung up the phone, and America glared at me. “You SLEPT with him? You bitch! You weren’t even going to tell me?”

“It’s bad enough that you aren’t going to be here anymore. You can’t just drop out of my life.”

“What the fuck happened to you last night? I wake up this morning, and you’re gone and you…you just leave and don’t say goodbye? Why?”“I’m sorry. I—,”“You’re sorry? I’ve been going crazy! You don’t answer your phone, you sneak out and, wha—why? I thought we finally had everything figured out!”

“Travis is a fucking wreck! He won’t talk to us, he’s trashed the apartment, threw the stereo across the room…Shep can’t talk any sense into him!”“He took a swing at Shep when he found out we helped you leave. Abby! Please tell me!” she pleaded, her eyes glossing over. “It’s scaring me!”“It’s something else, Abby. He’s gone fucking nuts! I heard him call your name, and then he stomped all over the apartment looking for you. He barged into Shep’s room, demanding to know where you were. Then he tried to call you. Over, and over and over,” she sighed. “His face was…Jesus, Abby. I’ve never seen him like that.”

“I curled into a ball underneath my thick comforter, and inhaled through my nose; Travis’ scent still lingered on my skin.The bed felt cold and foreign, a sharp contrast to the warmth of Travis’ mattress. I had spent thirty days in a cramped apartment with Eastern’s most infamous tramp, and after all the bickering and late-night houseguests, it was the only place I wanted to be.”

“I’ve wanted you for so long, Abby. You’re all I want,” he breathed against my mouth.”

“Pigeon,” he said, panting, “it doesn’t have to be tonight. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

“Trav? Are you okay?” I asked.There was a long pause before he finally spoke. “I’ve never been less okay in my life.”

“Travis clenched his eyes shut, and a sinking feeling settled over me. It was agonizing seeing him suffer, knowing that not only was I the cause of it…I was the only one that could take it away.”

“One I did, Travis flipped off the lamp, and then pulled me against him without permission or apology. He tensed his arms and sighed, and I nestled my face into his neck. I shut my eyes tight, trying to savor the moment. I knew I would wish for that moment back every day of my life, so I lived it with everything I had.”

“You’re going to realize what a pain in the ass I was, and then you’ll forget all about missing me,” I said into his ear.He puffed a breath of air as he rubbed my back. “Promise?”

“My stomach sank. “I don’t want you to be miserable.”“Then don’t go,” he said. His expression was so desperate that the guilt formed a lump in my throat.“I can’t move in here, Travis. That’s crazy.”“Says who? I just had the best two weeks of my life.”“Me, too.”“Then why do I feel like I’m never gonna see you again?”

“Who would have thought from the first time we met that we’d be sitting here? You couldn’t have told me three months ago that I’d be this miserable over saying goodbye to a girl.”

“The entire room exploded into applause, even a few whistles. I shook my after he kissed my forehead, and then stood up to take a bow. When he returned to his seat in front of me, he chuckled.“They’re not looking at you, now, are they?” he panted.“Thanks. You really shouldn’t have,” I smiled.”

“He jumped down, and then leaned across the table into my face, “And I’m tryin’ to make some girl….tell me, uh baby better come back, maybe next week, ‘cuz you see I’m. On. A losin’ streak! I CAN’T GET NO! Uh no, no, no!”

“He jumped to the adjacent table and America squealed and clapped, elbowing me. I shook my head; I had died and woken up in High School Musical.”

“Travis watched me for a moment, noted those staring, and then stood up. “I CAN’T!” he yelled. I stared in awe as the entire room jerked their heads in his direction. Travis bobbed his head a couple of times to a beat in his head.Shepley closed his eyes. “Oh, no.”Travis smiled. “get no….sa…tis…faction,” he sang, “I can’t get no….sat-is-fac-tion. ‘Cuz I’ve tried…and I’ve tried…and I’ve tried…and I’ve tried…,” he climbed onto the table as everyone stared, “I CAN’T GET NO!”

“Travis punched his palm. “Do you want me to go beat the piss out of Finch? Teach him a lesson? I’ll take him out.”I couldn’t help but smile. “If I wanted to take Finch out, I’d just tell him Prada went out of business, and he’d finish the job for me.”

“Finch eyed me suspiciously, and then smiled. “You are officially the coolest person I know.”“That’s sad, Finch. You should get out more,” I said, stopping at the cafeteria entrance.”

“I don’t care. They can think what they want.”“Since when? What happened to the nervous, mysterious, guarded Abby I know and love?”“She died from the stress of all the rumors and assumptions.”

“Do you trust me, Pidge?”“Yeah, why?”“C’mere,” he said, pulling me against him. I stiffened for a second or two before resting my head on his chest. Whatever was going on with him, he needed me near him, and I couldn’t have objected even if I’d wanted to. It felt right lying next to him.”