Jennifer Crusie

“King scratched at the door to be let out."Charlie snorted. "King obviously has a lot of stamina. I'd have been clawingat the door a lot sooner if I was trapped in a booth with Mark.""But Mark ignored him, so King... uh, pooped."Charlie grinned. "And then?""Mark yelled at him and scared him." Harry fought back a grin. "So Kingpooped again."Charlie's grin widened. "Mark is an idiot.""So then Mark waved the script at him, and King—""Pooped again." Charlie started to laugh."Then Marcia came in and threw a fit because of all the poop in the booth and because Mark was mistreating a puppy. She gave him ten minutes to get the booth clean, and she took the dog away from him.”

“Allie put her chin on his shoulder to look into the carton. He had great shoulders and Chinese food. At the moment, he was the perfect man.”

“In the bad old days, men kept women from choosing to work. In the bad new days, women keep women from choosing to stay home.”

“Christ, I'm in a Doris Day movie”

“She slid out from under his arm, and picked up his shirt from the floor. When she put it on, it failed to meet in the middle over her chest. that always worked in the movies, she thought, disgusted, and dropped it on the floor.”

“What i'm trying to tell you," Min said, "is that im going to grow up to be one of those chubby old ladies. It's in my genes. Like self raising flour. i'm going to pouf.""thats going to work out well for me," Cal said. "because i'm going to grow up to be one of those horny old men who chases chubby old ladies around the couch.”

“She pushed him onto the couch and straddled him...Min swallowed "the thing is, im going to spread. Hips, thighs-""Not till nine-thirty," Cal said trying not to picture her."-waist," Min said then stopped. "What? nine-thirty? Not till my forties, probably, i think i can fight it off that long, but then-""What?" Cal said."Im going to get fat," Min said, and he blinked. "Er. Im going to get fatter." she frowned at him. "what did you think i meant?""for future reference," he said starting to laugh. "if you're sitting half naked on my lap and you tell me you're going to spread-""No! I would never say that!" she said.”

“I'll be right behind you"behind her? Thirty-two steps with him looking at her butt?"No, you wont.""Look, it's late, i'm tired, can we just-""it'll be a cold day in hell when you follow me up those steps. You want to go up, you go first.""Why?" he said mystified"you're not looking at my rear end all the way up that hill."Cal sighed and took the first step. "wait a minute. Now you'll be looking at my butt all the way up the steps.""yes but you probably have a great butt," Min said. "it's an entirely different dynamic.”

“It's a good thing he broke up with you because now you're free for when the right man finds you. Your prince is on his way.""Right. I'm sure he was on his way but a truck hit him.”

“Tu es inoubliable. Tu vois ? Même pas besoin de répéter après toi pour dire ça. Et maintenant, est-ce que je peux vous faire l'amour , s'il vous plaît, madame ?”

“Drink to me! I just realized that I've slept with everyone at this table! ~Nell”

“Say it,” she said, and he said, “I love you. I’ll always love you. Forever. It’s a life sentence. Now put the damn ring on.”

“I was standing in the doorway when he said hi,” Amy said. “And from the look on his face, what he has for you is not the key to the city.”

“Phin spared a moment of sympathy for Frank until he looked back and saw him at the bar, leaning into Clea’s cleavage. Get a grip, Frank, he thought, and then he looked down Sophie’s dress and thought, Never mind, Frank.”

“Trying to seduce Alec at all was a waste of time; he came preseduced anyway. Like a microwave entrée. You pressed his buttons, and he got hot.”

“Stephen Sondheim said : " If you know where you're going, you've gone. Move on.”

“Of course it hurt you neanderthal! See that? Thats blood. If theres blood, theres pain. Its like smoke and fire.”

“That furniture cost me a fortune! It's designer furniture.""Designed by whom ? Darth Vader ? The Hitler Youth ?”

“If you haven't failed, you're not trying hard enough.”

“Elvis!" Min shoved herself off the couch to shoo him away. "Stay away from there. There's broken glass.""He did that on purpose," David said, outraged."Yes, David, the cat is plotting against you." Min fished the base out of the water and glass shards and put it on the table. Then she went to get her wastebasket and began to put the glass pieces in it.”

“Well, you won't unless you come to lunch with me," Cal said. "I'm holding it for ransom. There's a gunto its heel right now.""I have lunch at my desk," Min began, and thought,Oh, for crying out loud, could I beany morepathetic ?"Emilio is experimenting with a lunch menu. He needs you. I need you.”

“So I know you must have a plan and this wolf—""Beast," Min said."—frog, whatever, can't fit your plan.""He's not a frog," Min said. "I kissed him and he did not turn into a prince."He turned into a god. No,he didn't . "Look, I'm never going to see him again, so everybody can relax.”

“Can we go to work now? Because we're about a minute away from breaking out the”

“• The key to fighting is never to fight unless the cause is so great that you couldn’t bear not to defend it and the losses you are going to suffer are things that you could afford to lose. If you do fight, the thing to remember is that it is going to hurt because that is what happens in a fight and you might as well reconcile yourself to it in the beginning and then it will not matter when it happens”

“The last time I saw a brow that low I was watching slides in anthropology class”

“I’m gonna have to get my eyes checked. I can’t see crap until it’s right in front of me”

“Your cat just got cat hair on me.” “It’s only fair,” Min said. “Your suit just got expensive suit lint on him.”

“Look, Mother, I am never going to be thin.I'm Norwegian. If you wanted a thin daughter, you should not have married a man whose female ancestors carried cows home from the pasture”

“It doesn't matter," Min said. "That's what I'm trying to tell you, it doesn't matter what you do or say. I'm going to love you till the end of time."Cal looked at her, stunned."I know," Min said. "It's really un-PC. I just thought you should know that you can't screw this up.""I can't?" Cal said, wanting to believe her."No," Min said. "Which doesn't mean I'm not going to tell if you make me mad again. I will shout and slam doors. I just won't be on the other side of the door when I slam it. You've got me for life." He lost his breath and put his forehead against her shoulder. "God, I love you.”

“Values aren't buses... They're not supposed to get you anywhere. They're supposed to define who you are.”

“You've lived in America for twenty years. Eat badly, damn it.”

“He was not looking forward to breaking the law. He was straight now. He'd matured. Crime no longer excited him.What?' Ronald said.I didn't say anything.'You're breathing heavy.”

“Dempseys are never in trouble. We just have stretches of life that are more interesting than others.”

“Davy's kiss tasted like vodka and disaster, and even while she kissed him back, Tilda thought, I'm never going into a closet with this man again. He slipped his hand under her T-shirt, and she said, "You know," as his hand slid up to her breast, but the only thing left to say was, I'm not that kind of girl, and of course she was.”

“Everybody's crooked. The trick is to find out how they're bent.”

“Very few people mate for life with the people they fall for at twelve. Doesn't mean is isn't real, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, doesn't mean it doesn't matter, but basically, we're talking a practice swing in the big game of love.”

“That's a movie quote, right? You know, if you do that with books, people think you're intelligent."Sophie lowered her chin. "If this is your pathetic attempt to seduce me again, you're falling miserably." "I don't seduce woman." Phin shoved back his chair and stood up. "They fall into my open arms.""Clumsy of them.”

“Feel no guilt. Getting married and giving birth does not mean that you have sold your life away to perfectly healthy people who can get their own damn socks.”

“I'm Min's fairy godmother, Charm Boy,' Liza said, frowning down at him. 'And if you don't give her a happily ever after, I'm going to come back and beat you to death with a snow globe.'What happened to "bibbity bobbity boo"?' Cal asked Min.That was Disney, honey,' Min said. 'It wasn't a documentary.”

“It was a lot easier when we could just brand'em," Ben said. "Then everybody'd know not to mess with our womenfolk.”

“There wasn't enough gratitude in the world for a server who kept drinks coming at a time like this.”

“Exciting wasn't turning out obe as easy as she'd thought it would be, but it was definitely worth pursuing.”

“Zach had brought her a dog.”

“He looked like every glossy frat boy in every nerd movie ever made, like every popular town boy who’d ever looked right through her in high school, like every rotten rich kid who’d ever belonged where she hadn’t.My mama warned me about guys like you.He turned to her as if he’d heard her and took off his sunglasses, and she went down the steps to meet him, wiping her sweaty palms on her dust-smeared khaki shorts. “Hi, I’m Sophie Dempsey,” she said, flashing the Dempsey gotta-love-me grin as she held out her hot, grimy hand, and after a moment he took it.His hand was clean and cool and dry, and her heart pounded harder as she looked into his remote, gray eyes.“Hello, Sophie Dempsey,” her worst nightmare said. “Welcome to Temptation.”

“When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work.”

“You could forgive a lot if somebody was there to take care of things until you grew up.”

“she was just…beaming at me, and I thought she’d won the lottery or something, her smile was that big. I asked what happened, and she said…” Park swallowed again. “She said, ‘You’re here.”’ He blinked at Tess. “‘You’re here.’ That’s all it was. That big goofy smile just because I was there. Nobody ever smiled like that at me before.”

“You have to open up to the world and learn optimism...Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimisim.”

“Be sober, be vigilant because your adversary the Devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

“Bet you ten bucks we make it."What are the odds? she thought, and realized with sudden, blinding clarity that she wouldn't take the other side of that bet, that only a loser would bet against them. This is really it, she thought, amazed. This is really forever. I believe in this."Min?" he said, and she kissed him, putting all her heart into it. "No bet," she said against his mouth. "Your odds are too good.""Our odds are too good”