Jennifer Crusie

“Emilio appeared with wine before Cal could say anything, and Min beamed at him, grateful for the rescue. "Emilio, my darling. I forgot to mention cake boxes. Two hundred cake boxes.""Already on it," Emilio said. "Nonna said you'd need them. She said to get four-inch-square boxes for three-inch-square cakes.""I'm getting the boxes," Min said, nodding. "Sure. Great. Fine. Your grandmother is an angel and you are my hero. And of course, a genius with food.""And you are my favorite customer." Emilio kissed her cheek and disappeared back into the kitchen."I love him," she told Cal."I noticed," Cal said. "Been seeing him behind my back, have you?""Yes," Min said. "We've been having conversations about cake.""Whoa," Cal said. "For you, that's talking dirty.”

“Part of being a writer is defending your vision and not caving in to outside pressures.”

“I'll never forget my first time with you' Min said as she edged the doughnut off her finger. 'The earth moved, and then my mother asked my father who he was going down on at lunch.”

“Where were all the women gamblers? It wasn't as if being a woman wasn't a huge risk all by itself. Twenty-eight percent of female homocide victims were killed by husbands or lovers.Which, come to think of it, was probably why there weren't any women gamblers. Living with men was enough of a gamble.”

“Wonder of wonders, the box had Elvis. Immediately the bar seemed a better place. She fed in coins and then punched the keys for "Hound Dog." Too bad Elvis had never recorded one called "Dickhead.”

“As far as I'm concerned the last good man went when Elvis died.”

“Dead woman are not romantic,' Sophie said flatly.'Okay, she's not dead,' Phin said. 'The bear ate her, and she came her brains out.”

“This is making me crazy. I hate relying on other people to save me, I hate being clingy, I hate it, and every time you show up, I lean on you. - Matilda Scarlet Veronica Betty Vilma Goodnight”

“have you ever met a woman you wanted to give everything to?just turn over everything you had?-Davy Dempsey-”

“He loved her all he could; but he couldn't love her very much.”

“Everything outside of here is vulnerable, but this tower, this room, is where we can make a stand if we have to. This is our Alamo.""Everybody died at the Alamo. What's the midway, the Little Big Horn?" Ethan looked at her, exasperated. She shrugged. "I'm just saying that ifyou want to rally the troops, avoid the A word.”

“They stared at each other for a moment, perplexed by their newfound siblinghood. 'So we're the Luke and Leia of hell,' Mab said.”

“Tomorrow we go back to normal?""Sure," Mab said. "It'll be like none of this happened. Except I'll still be pregnant, and you'll still be making dragons, and Glenda will still be pretending that Dreamland is Cancun, and Weaver will still own the only green velvet demon in captivity. Other than that, perfectly normal.""I just meant no demons trying to kill us," Cindy said. "My baseline for normal is a lot lower than yours.”

“Say, ‘Thank you, Phin.’ ”“Oh, please.”“Say, Thank youvery much, Phin. ”“I don’t think so.”“Say, ‘You are a great lover, Phin.’ ”“I’m out of here.”

“You want sensitive and understanding, stick with the therapist.You want great,headbanging sex, get off the fucking phone and come with me.”

“It's just that you don't respect me enough to respect what I want. I have to want what you want or it doesn't count or its's no good. Well, I don't want what you want. And I don't see why I have to. I mean, as long as I respect what you want and let you live your life, why do you care?”

“Nobody in my life has ever known me the way you do. Nobody in my life has ever made me feel as good as you do. You know me, you know everything about me, and when you leave me, you're going to be leaving the real me, the me nobody else has ever seen, that's who you're going to be rejecting.”

“I like my afterglow with you in motion. I measure time by how your body sways.”

“After you die, you're going to hell for being a dishonest bastard, and you'll burn for eternity."The guy snatched his hand back. "I don't believe in Hell.""Most people don't until they get there." Mab smiled at him. "Of course, if you stop lying and cheating, you can probably redeem yourself. If not, have them put marshmallows in your coffin. There's a bight side to everything, I always say.”

“Nothing but good times ahead.”

“If you can't be a good example, then be a terrible warning.”

“That’s not a father. That’s a sperm donor. Forget him. He’s a mess. Concentrate on me. I’m terrific. -(Linc Blaise)”

“His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action. ”

“North is a powerful man, and you're still connected to him." Flo frowned. "Probably sexual memory, those Capricorns are insatiable. Well, you know. Sea Goat. And of course, you're a Fish. You'll end up back in bed with him."Andie slammed the car door. "You know what I'd like for Christmas, Flo? Boundaries. You can gift me early if you'd like.”

“no more pep talks about believing in toads," Liza said."Don't they turn into princeses when you kiss them?" Bonnie said."Thats frogs," Liza Said. "Entirely different species.”

“Statistics show that men are interested in three things: careers, sports, and sex. That's why they love professional cheerleaders."Cal put down his fork "Well, that's sexist.""Yes i know," she said. "But it's true isn't it?""What?" Cal tried to find his place in the conversation. "Oh, the sports and sex thing? Not at all. This is the twenty-first century. We've learned how to be sensitive.""You have?""Sure," Cal said. "Otherwise we wouldn't get laid.”

“Rum and Coke, please," she told the bartender.Maybe that was why Liza and Bonnie never had guy trouble: great hair. She looked at Liza, racehorse-thin in purple zippered leather...Okay it wasn't just the hair. If she jammed herself into liza's dress, she'd look like Barney's slut cousin."Diet Coke," she told the bartender.”

“I could shove this swizzle stick through his heart, Min thought. She would'nt do it, of course. The stick was plastic and not nearly pointed enough on the end.”

“Broaden your horizons. They're the only ones you'll ever have, so make the suckers as wide as possible.”

“Would she hit a dog to get great sex?”

“Have you talked to North?" he said."Yes," she said. "I asked him to get us cable.""I wish you weren't talking to him.""I'd talk to Satan to get cable," Andie said.”

“A lot of really big trees had died to make that desk. His mother had probably gnawed them down, used her nails to saw the boards, and finished the decorative cutwork with her tongue.”

“And why do you want to be near me?"Because you're all I can think about, day and night. I don't know what the hell is going on with us; I only know I can't get rid of it. I don't care if you're batshit insane and think you're the reincarnation of Cleopatra. I hear voices; you hear dogs. We'll work it out. Maybe get a discount on therapy.”

“It's not a problem. There are people out there with much worse problems than mine."-Cynthia"Doesn't make yours any more fun to bear."-Liza"No. But it does help with the self-pity."- Cynthia”

“Heartache often drives us to consume things we wouldn't otherwise, such as an entire pint of Caramel Pecan Perfection high-fat ice cream, covered in ganache, the crack cocaine of frozed dairy. Twelve hundred calories per pint, six hundred and eighty of which are fat calories, but is only dulls the pain for the moment, there's that carb fog while you're standing at the sink shoving it in your face, and then it's over and you feel...used. Like a cheap pickup the Dove people seduced and abandoned in your kitchen, leaving you with sticky hands and an empty cup and a still-broken heart, except now you're mad at Dove, too.”

“Well, I know better what I don’t want. I don’t want somebody who’s always nagging me to be something I’m not. And I don’t want somebody who thinks she knows what’s best for me and who maneuvers around trying to get me to do things her way.” Kate frowned. “Nobody wants anyone like that. It’s like saying, ‘I don’t want someone who’ll poke me in the eye with a sharp stick.’ Forget what you don’t want. What do you want?”

“The measuring and mixing always smoothed out her thinking processes - nothing was as calming as creaming butter - and when the kitchen was warm from the oven overheating and the smell of baking chocolate, she took final stock of where she'd been and where she was going. Everything was fine.”

“Any instructions?” Carpenter said. “Yeah,” Shane said. “Shoot anybody who looks at Agnes funny. And anybody else you don’t like. I’m getting tired of this shi*.” “Somebody needs a hug,” Carpenter said. “Humor,” Shane said. “Har.”

“Wilder watched Armstrong head back to video village under the lights of the set, attacking another apple as she went, and thought, Apples and women. Not a good history there.”

“If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning."-Gwen Goodnight”