Lisa McMann

“Do you still love me, Janie?'Janie stares at him, incredulous. 'Yes, of course! I don't say it lightly.''Say it lightly in my ear,' he demands.She smiles, rests her soft cheek on his scratchy one, and whispers it. 'I love you, Cabe.”

“Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you.''I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.”

“He waits a moment. And then murmurs, 'I love you, Janie Hannagan. I can't get enough of you. I wake up in the morning and all I want to do is be with you.' He props himself up on his elbow. 'Do you have any idea how unusual, how important that is to me?”

“Whatever I want,' he says.'Yes.''I'm afraid you haven't been privy to that dream yet.”

“Sawyer turned our friendship off like a faucet, but I can't help it - my faucet of love has a really bad leak.”

“Simplemente no hay ningún felices para siempre en el libro de Janie.Pero ambos saben que hay algo. Algo bueno entre ellos.Hay respeto.Y hay profundidad.Desinterés.Un entendimiento entre ellos que supera un infierno de todo lo demás.Y está ese asunto del amor.Así que deciden. Resuelven decidir cada día en que las cosas llegarán.Sin obligaciones. Sin grandes planes. Sólo la vida, cada día.Haciendo progresos. Cortando la presión.Y si funciona, funciona.Ella sabe algo, muy profundo.Lo sabe con fuerza. Y es algo bueno.Él es el único chico al que ella se lo dirá.”

“La especulación interminable sólo lleva a finales tristes.”

“Y los seres amados que perdiste a lo largo del camino de la vida vivirán por siempre, si usas tu poder. Nunca dirás adiós por mucho tiempo. Sólo hasta que duermas de nuevo. Tú puedes traerlos de vuelta a ti.”

“Or maybe she wants to believe that he found her on purpose. Even Janie can have her dreams.”

“It's the touching they both long for. The holding. Spent their whole lives, each without any.”

“I just hope God doesn't get all the credit for bringing me home, because I sure hitchhiked a hell of a long ways and walked my frozen feet off to get here.”

“It's just the end of some things.And the beginning of others.”

“Because our power is motivating, and gives momentum and ownership of changes to those who dream of failure.”

“Go force your condescending man-logic on the next house. You can go now.”

“Feels like I'm in a play and I don't know all my lines.”

“She sits in the driveway, freezing, for thirty-six minutes. Arguing with herself. Because she thinks she's in love with him too. And there are two ways she can be a fool in love right now. She chooses the harder one. And knocks on the door.”

“And he's pressing into her and she into him, bodies shivering, like they are two scared, lost children, starving, starving to be touched, to be held, by someone, anyone, the first one they can find who seems familiar enough, safe enough, strong enough to rescue them. They breathe, heavy. Hard. Their fingers strain at cotton. And then they slow down. Stop. Hold. Rest. Before one of them, or both, begins to sob. Before they break another piece that needs to be fixed.”

“It's like a cat bell, so pretty yet alarming, because i know I'm letting myself fall when maybe I should fly away. But the loneliness inside, it's so fucking painful. It's that longing feeling that scratches to escape and makes you want to blurt out all kinds of gushy crap just to get the girl to look at you...I hate it. Love its melty-ness and hate its leash around my neck.”

“Because if you don't have at least one person believing in you, then there's not much reason to give a shit about anything.”

“Maybe you don't have to remember something for it to be true. For it to exist.”

“It's hard to watch. Can't stand the pressure of that much hope.”

“Janie: So you're a double agent?Cabel: Sure.That sounds sexy.”

“Hippie said he couldn't stay. Be back tomorrow-Love,Mom”

“They linger near the back door, forehead to forehead and curved like statues as their lips whisper and brush together.”

“Jacián!" She yells again, and then she says something in Spanish. A moment later he comes down the hallway. "I'm going to tell Grandfather you said that," he says. "What do you want?”

“Time to stop crying, time to get her act together and do something. Time to move beyond the pity party.”

“No rash decisions. No big commitments. Each day as it comes.”

“With practice, you will master your own dreams.”

“Dreams happen in the strangest places. Watch for them.”

“When would you like to go out with me so we can talk about it?" A grin flirts with his lips.He's got her cornered.And he knows it.Janie chuckles, defeated. "You are such a bastard.""When," he demands. "I promise, all my heart, I'll be your house elf for the rest of my life if I fail to meet you at the appointed date and time." He leans forward. "Promise," he says again. He holds up two fingers.The bell rings.They stand up.She's not answering.He comes around the table toward her and pushes her gently against the wall. Sinks his lips into hers. He tastes like spearmint. She can't stop the flipping in her stomach.He pulls back and touches her cheek, her hair. "When," he whispers. UrgentlyShe clears her throat and blinks. "A-a-after school works for me," she says.”

“Janie’s hip buzzes again. Maybeshe'll have to have her whole leg amputated, she thinks sadly. Thatwould really suck.”

“Ruined by the truth”

“Captain looks at Janie closely. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph," she says. "You're gonna have a heck of a shiner by the time the day's over. Did you black our?""I...uh..." Janie shrugs. "I really have no idea.""Yes, I think she did." Cabel cuts in. "I'm going to need to watch her all day. And probably all night, too," he adds. Very, very seriously.The captain throws a rubber eraser at him and sends him out for coffee.”

“Cabel: Um, Janie?Janie: Yesss, Cabel?Cabel: I have another lie to confess.Janie: Oh, dear. What is it?Cabel: I do, actually, know what my GPA is.Janie: And?Cabel: And. I have a full-ride scholarship.Cabel is pushed violently from the beanbag chair. And pounced upon. And told, repeatedly, what a bastard he is.Janie is told that she will most certainly get a scholarship too, with her grades. Unless she plays hooky with drug dealers.”

“Janie: Did you ever sell drugs?Cabel: Yes. Pot. Ninth and tenth grade. I was, uh...rather troubled back then.Janie: Why did you stop?Cabel: Got busted, and Captain made me a better deal. Janie: So you've been a narc since then? Cabel: I cringe at your terminology.”

“If you don't want me to see, I guess, don't sleep in the same room as me."He looks at her with a sly smile. "But I'm known for sleeping in school. It's my shtick.”

“Come on, Cabel," Carrie says. "Let me give you a ride, at least. Unless you want Shay to- hey, here she comes now." Carrie titters, her eyes dancing.Cabel's eyes grow wide. He slips into the backseat of Carrie's car without a word. "Get me outta here. Fuckin' creepy cheerleaders.”

“Cabel smiles and hangs up. "Guess what."What," Janie says.We can go out on our first date."Woo hoo!"And guess what else- You're buying."Me? Why?"Because you lost the bet."Janie thinks for a moment. Punches Cabel in the arm. "You did not fail five quizzes or tests!"I did. I have proof.”

“Cabel calls Captain.Komisky."Sir, any chance Janie and I can be seen together now?"Under the circumstances, that would pretty damn much make my day, yes. Besides, the Wilder cocaine case got settled on Monday. He pleaded guilty."You rock, sir."Yes, yes, I know. Go out to a movie or something, will you?"Right away. Thank you."And stop bothering me.”

“Do you think Cabel knows?"Have you thought about asking him?"Janie glances up to read her face. Bites her quivering lip to still it. "We're not exactly on speaking terms right now."Captain sighs. "I gathered that." Carefully she says, "Cabel has his own demons and if he doesn't get on with killing them soon, I'm going to kick his ass...”

“Are you okay?" she whispers, giggling.Me? Oh sure. You might have to carry me out of here, though."What happened?"I created a distraction."I gathered that."Step stool, encyclopedias, floor."I see. Well, I can't thank you enough."Sure you can. Help me flunk enough tests, so I drop out of the 'torian range."Can't you just tell Abernethy that you have a reputation as a dumbshit to keep up, and you don't want the attention?"Flunking is more fun.”

“I've got a huge, terrible problem."Oh no! Not that horrible toenail fungus that takes six months to cure?"No, no, no. Much worse. This is shocking news. Are you sure I should tell you while you're driving?"I've got my headset on. Both hands on the wheel. Windows rolled up. Go for it."Okay, here goes...Principal Abernethy called me this morning to let me know I'm in the running for valedictorian."There is silence.A rather loudish snort.And guffaws.Congratulations," she finally says, laughing. "What ever are you going to do?"Fail ever assignment from today onward."You won't be able to."Watch me.”

“She gets to school late. Bashful gives her a tardy, and won't reconsider.Janie always hated Bashful.Stupidest. Dwarf. Ever.”

“So, what are you doing tonight?"Me?" Janie laughs. "Homework, of course."You want company?" Carrie's looking wistful.Do you have homework to do?"Of course. Whether I do it or not is the real question.”

“Bashful=Spanish, Miss GardeniaDoc=Psychology, Mr. WangHappy=Chemistry 2, Mr. DurbinDopey=English Lit., Mr. PurcellDippy=Math, Mrs. CraigDumbass=PE, Coach Crater”

“She opens her eyes slowly. It takes her a moment to adjust to the bright kitchen light, shining in her eyes. "Can we rearrange the furniture this weekend?" she asks sleepily. "So when I sleep out here, you don't shine all of Satan's fiery hell lights in my eyes first thing in the morning?”

“Captain gives her a hard look. "You know what shit is? Killing three innocent people. Think your life is bad now, try living with that." Her voice is harsh. ”

“Be careful or you might go to school tomorrow flushed with sex.”

“You're asking for trouble, Hannagan," he growls. "And you would be....?" Janie asks. She giggles. "Trouble.”

“They have an unusual relationship.And when things are good, it's magic.”