Meg Cabot

“How is it that I'd nearly been smothered to death, and yet I could sit there and notice things like my stepbrother's abdominal muscles a few minutes later?”

“Well,' I said. 'I could strip off my clothes and reveal to you that under my jeans and sweatshirt I'm actually wearing a tank top and short-shorts, much like Lara Croft from Tomb Raider...only mine are flame-retardant and covered in glow-in-the-dark dinosaur stickers.'No one stirred. Not even Christopher, who actually has a thing for Lara Croft. 'I know what you're thinking,' I went on. 'Glow-in-the-dark dinosaur stickers are so last year. But I think they add a certain je ne sais quoi to the whole ensemble. It's true, short-shorts are uncomfortable under jeans and hard to get off in the ladies' room, but they make the twin thigh-holsters in which I hold my high-caliber pistols so easy to get to....'The oven timer dinged. 'Thank you, Em,' Mr. Greer said, yawning. 'That was very persuasive.”

“Because when you love something, you want to do it all the time, even if no one is paying you for it. At least that's how I felt about drawing.”

“So go ahead andmake your wayBack from the edgeof yesterdayNo one knows whatCan't be known'Cause when you startYou're all aloneBut take enough stepsTake enough stepsTake enough stepsAnd somedaySomeday you'll be home---Heather Wells, Untitled”

“The peace sign is with two fingers not one.”

“However, because they have no actual interests of their own (or if they do, they squelch them in order to fit in) and merely pursue those that they think will look best on their college apps, they're zombies.”

“Especially if he called me querida again.”

“Have you tried this shrimp? It's freaking amazing.Would you get away from me? I hate you.You're so moody. Just because I kidnapped you and tried to force you to be my girlfriend. I thought you would be over that by now.”

“Oh, Jason, I couldn't get my locker open...I know, I tried twisting it right, then left, but it wouldn't budge. I guess I'm just not strong enough. Could you help me? Please? Oh, great. Oh, Jason, you're so strong...Seriously? That was me now?On the other hand , a guy was following me.”

“You;re colling me, So i fugure you must not hate me anymore. dOES THIS MEAN YOU WANNA GO OUT? iI'm free tonight. I mean , I have plans, but i can break them. For you.Brandon, you kidnapped me. And then you made the only person I'll ever love in my life hate me. I completely despise you.So..., I take that as a no, you do not want to go out with me tonight.”

“Accept the things I cannot change," I said. "And pray for the courage to change the things I can, as well as the wisdom to know the difference."The thing is... I know this is good advice. It's called the Serenity Prayer, and it really does put things in perspective (it's suppose to be for recovering alcoholics, but it helps recovering freakoutaholics, like me, as well).”

“They've arrested Sebastian! For m-murder! You've g-got to stop them! He d-didn't do it! He can't have done it! He doesn't believe in murder! He's a v-vegetarian!”

“I don't want water!" Sarah cries, her face buried against my chest.I can't see what's going on in the rest of the lobby beacuse Sarah's hair is flying up in my face, blocking my view.I want justice!" she wails.Well, we'll get you some of that too." Magda has appeared from out of nowhere. "Maybe there's some in the freezer.”

“I stare at her, as dumbstruck as if she'd just admitted she's a Scientologist with an invitation to join Tom and Katie on the spaceship when it shows up.”

“Ele parece alguma coisa jogada de um helicóptero: sabe como é, o cara perfeito para uma garota necessitada em uma ilha deserta.A garota sendo eu, e a ilha deserta, a minha vida.”

“God, what if TMZ got hold of the truth about me? What a liar I am, I mean? What kind of role model am I? I make Vanessa Hudgens look like Mother Freaking Teresa. Minus the whole nudity thing. Because I'm not about to take naked photos of myself and send them to my boyfriend.”

“But then I remembered something Grandmere had once assured me of: No one has ever died of embarrassment-never, not once in the whole history of time.”

“Okay, here are the top ten reasons why I can't stand my sister Lucy:10. I get all her hand-me-downs, even her bras.9. Whem I refuse to wear her hand-me-downs, especially her bras, I get the big lecture about waste and the environment. Look, I am way concerned about the environment. But that does not mean I want to wear me sister's old bras.I told Mom I see no reason why I should even have to wear a bra, seeing as how it's not like I've got a lot to put in one, causing Lucy to remark that if I don't wear a bra now, then if I ever do get anything up there. it will be all saggy like those tribal women we saw on the Discovery Channel.8. This is another reason why I can't stand Lucy. Because she is always making these kind of remarks. What we should really do, if you ask me, is send Lucy's old bras to those tribal women.7. Her conversations on the phone go like this: "No way... So what did he say?... Then what did she say?... No way... That is so totally untrue... I do not. I so do not... Who said that?... Well, it isn't true... No. I do not... I do not like him... Well, okay, maybe I do. Oh, gotta go, call-waiting.”

“Looks can be deceiving.”

“My mother's psychologist says I have an overactive anger switch, but people just keep pissing me off.”

“if you give a man a fish he'll eat for a day, if you teach a man to fish he'll eat all the fish you may have caught for yourself”

“Tell me what game Steph Landry and I used to play in the big dirt pile they made while they were digging my family’s pool, back when we were both seven, or I’ll know you’re an alien replacement and you’ve got the real Steph up in your mother ship!” I glared at him. “G.I. Joe meets Spelunker Barbie,” I said. “And stop being so ridiculous. We have to go. We’re going to end up at a bad table for lunch.”

“I remembered lying there in my wet panties, going, “What do I do now?” Jason was asleep, but even if he hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have told him what had happened. I was convinced I’d never have heard the end of it. “Wet the bed like a baby!” he’d cry. Well, knowing Jason, he probably wouldn’t have said any such thing. But in my feverish four-year-old brain, I was convinced he wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore if he knew I was a bed wetter. Also, of course, it would come up every time I beat him at anything: “Well, okay, maybe you’re better at Candy Land, but at least I’m not a bed wetter.”

“And the truth is, I’d felt kind of a thrill about wearing Jason’s Big Boy pants. I was a sick kid, even way back then.”

“¿Qué utilidad tiene la fórmula cuadráticaen la vida cotidiana?¿Podemos utilizarla acaso para desvelar los secretosocultos en los corazones de la personas que queremos?”

“Cal: “I’m not presuming. I know exactly what you think about me. You think I’m an anal-retentive Armrest Nazi . . . an arrogant Modelizer. You can’t stand the way I talk, any of the subjects I choose to talk about, the imperious manner I order food in restaurants or tell cab drivers how much we owe them. You find my taste in women odious, the fact that I don’t own a television an unforgivable sin, and the fact that I would choose to write a book about Saudi Arabia completely unfathomable. And you’re also totally in love with me. If you weren’t you wouldn’t have pushed me into the pool earlier today when you saw Grazi walk in.”Every Boy's Got One”

“Cal: “Yesterday I was stuck in a car with you for eight hours.” Bastard. I didn’t even sing along with the radio. Much.Me: “Yeah. And?” Cal: “Something happened.”Me: “If you’re referring to my driving skills, may I just say I didn’t TOUCH that truck. What you felt was just the wind. We were going pretty fast. And there wasn’t even a scratch. I checked.”Every Boy's Got One”

“Cal: “Could you write a little bigger? I’m not sure China saw that.” Every Boy's Got One”

“Me: “Ngh”Cal: “Well put.”...... Every Boy's Got One”

“I’ve never enjoyed myself more than I have the past forty-eight hours, during which I’ve been trapped in a car with one of the worst drivers I’ve ever seen, run up the Spanish Steps and then down again so I could be on time to wait in line to perjuer myself at the American consulate. And I’d like to continue doing those sorts of thing with you on a regular basis for the foreseeable future.”

“I'm a liar. And I can't stop thinking about boys.”

“Sometimes between lunch and dinner, when there's a lull, Jill and Shaniqua and I will sit around and fantasize about what we'd do if a REAL celebrity walked into the place, like Chad Michael Murray (although we've gone off him a bit since his divorce) or Jared Padalecki, or even Prince William (you never know. He could have gotten his yacht lost, or whatever.)”

“But I let it slide, because, hello, hot guy.”

“I may have been dead for the past hundred and fifty years, Susannah,...but that doesn't mean I don't know how people say good night. And generally, when people say good night, they keep their tongues to themselves.”

“But once I'd come up with it, I realized it really was the perfect plan. Instead of waiting for Maria to come to me, I was simply going to go to her and, well...Send her back to where she came.Or reduce her to a mound of quivering gelatinous goo. Whichever came first.”

“I'll put a bullet through my own brain. Let alone wait for stark to do it. Your sister will drive me to it, Howard. No offense.”

“In a way, I was incrediibly proud of her (not that I had any intention of letting it show while I was beating the crap out of her).”

“Nikki "Brandon's never hurt anyone. He's competely sweet and adorable."I choked a little on the sip of sparkling water I'k just swallowed. If Brandon was sweet and adorable, I was Satan's bride.”

“But things were different now. I finally had my head -pun intended- on straight.”

“hope springs eternal, even in the heart of a fat girl.”

“and standing before me a bloodied bottle of Absolut in her hand, is Mrs. Allington, her pink jogging suit drenched, her chest heaving, her eyes filled with contempt as she stared down at Rachel's prone body. Mrs. Allington shakes her head. "I'm a size twelve," she says.”

“Meg Cabot is the best author ever”

“And that whole do-able/undo-able thing? Yeah. Need I point out that neither Ruth nor I have ever "done" anybody in our lives?”

“I've only been gone a week," I reminded him.Well, a week's a long time. It's seven days. Which is one hundred and sixty-eight hours. Which is ten thousand, eighty minutes. Which is six hundred thousand, for hundred seconds.”

“Emerson:bite me Whitne:you wish”

“French: why does this language even exist? Everyone there speaks english anyway.”

“Lilly says I have an overactive imagination and a pathological need to invent drama in my life.”

“It was only when they'd rounded the corner toward the Penguin that we finally sat up, Laughing semi-hysterically. "Oh my God, did you see her face?" Becca asked between guffaws. "'There's something in my hair!'""That was fantastic, Crazytop," Jason said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "Best master plan yet.”

“Hey!" Lauren Moffat's voice, sounding noticeably irritated, floated up to us. "What-ew! What's in my hair?"We all three ducked beneath our table so Lauren couldn't see us if she realized what was happening and looked up. I could see her between the slits of the fencing around the balcony, but I knew she couldn't see me. She was shaking out her hair. Becca, crouching across from me, had to put her hands across her mouth to keep from giggling. Jason looked like he was about to pee in his pants, he was trying so hard not to laugh.What's the matter, babe?" Mark came out from beneath the balcony, putting his wallet into his back pocket.There's something--sand or something-in my hair," Lauren said, still fluffing out her hair-which you could tell she didn't want to do, since she flat-ironed it so straight.Mark leaned in closer to examine Lauren's hair. "Looks okay to me," he said. Which just made us laugh harder, until tears were streaming out of the corners of our eyes.”

“Clearly," Jason said, "you are not doing nothing. You are most definitely doing something. What it looks like you're doing is pouring packets of sugar on Lauren Moffat's head."Shhh," I said. "It's snowing. But only on Lauren." I shook more sugar out of the packets. "'Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter,'" I called softly down to Lauren in my best Jimmy Stewart imitation. "'Merry Christmas, you old building and Loan.'"Jason started cracking up, and I had to hush him as Becca saw my sugar supply running low and hastened to hand me more packets.Stop laughing so loud," I said to Jason. "You'll spoil this beautiful moment for them." I sprinkled more sugar over the side of the balcony. "'Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”