Michelle Hodkin

“You smell good," he whispered into my neck. He was warm against me. Instinctively, I arched back into him and smiled. "Really?" "Mmm-hmm. Delicious. Like bacon.”

“Noah's eyes held my face. I swallowed hard. The juxtaposition of him sitting in a room full of people while staring at no one but me was overwhelming. Something shifted inside of me at the intimacy of us, eyes locked amid the scraping of twenty graphite pencils on paper.I shaded his face out of nothingness. I smudged the slope of his neck and darkened his delinquent mouth, while the lights accented the right angle of his jaw against the cloudy sky outside. I did not hear the bell. I did not hear the other students rise and leave the room. I did not even notice that Noah no longer sat at the stool.”

“Have you kissed many boys before?" he asked quietly. His question brought my mind back into focus. I raised an eyebrow. "Boys? That's an assumption." Noah laughed, the sound low and husky. "Girls, then?""No.""Not many girls? Or not many boys?""Neither," I said. Let him make of that what he would."How many?" "Why—" "I am taking away that word. You are no longer allowed to use it. How many?" My cheeks flushed, but my voice was steady as I answered. "One." At this, Noah leaned in impossibly closer, the slender muscles in his forearm flexing as he bent his elbow to bring himself nearer to me, almost touching. I was heady with the proximity of him and grew legitimately concerned that my heart might explode. Maybe Noah wasn't asking. Maybe I didn't mind. I closed my eyes and felt Noah's five o' clock graze my jaw, and the faintest whisper of his lips at my ear."He was doing it wrong.”

“Have you made any other friends since we've been here?"I gave him the death stare. "Yes, actually.""Who? I want a name.""Jamie Roth.""The Ebola kid? I heard he's a little unstable.""That was one incident.”

“In my rush, I hadn’t tied my shoelaces. Noah was now tying them for me. He looked up at me through his dark fringe of lashes and smiled. The expression on his face melted me completely. I knew I had the goofiest grin plastered on my lips, and didn’t care. “There,” he said as he finished tying the laces on my left shoe. “Now you won’t fall.”Too late.”

“Is there any point asking what you're going to make me do on Sunday?''Not really.'Okay. 'Is there any point asking what you're going to do to me?'He grinned wickedly. 'Not really.'Fabulous. 'Does it involve the use of a safe word?''That will depend entirely on you.' Noah moved impossibly closer, just inches away. A few freckles disappeared into the scruff on his jaw. 'I'll be gentle,' Noah added. My breath caught in my throat as he looked at me from beneath those lashes, ruining me.I narrowed my eyes at him. 'You're evil.'In response, Noah smiled, and raised his finger to gently tap the tip of my nose. 'And you're mine,' he said, then walked away.”

“I was going to kiss him, and I was going to regret it. But at that moment, I couldn't bring myself to care.”

“You could start a fire with the heat between you two.""You're mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection.”

“Wait," I said as Noah slipped a book from a shelf and headed toward the door. "Where are you going?""To read?"But I don't want you to. "But I need to go home," I said, my eyes meeting his. "My parents are going to kill me.""Taken care of. You're at Sophie's house."I loved Sophie."So I'm...staying here?""Daniel's covering for you."I loved Daniel."Where's Katie?" I asked, trying to sound casual."Eliza's house."I loved Eliza."And your parents?" I asked."Some charity thing."I loved charity."So why are you going to read when I'm right here?”

“You want me as much as I want you. And all I want is you."My tongue warred with my mind. "Today," I whispered.Noah stood slowly, his body skimming mine as he rose. "Today. Tonight. Tomorrow. Forever.”

“What would you do if I kissed you right now?"I stared at his beautiful face and his beautiful mouth and I wanted nothing more than to taste it. "I would kiss you back.”

“You have no idea what you do to me," he said as he stood. "I could barely keep my hands off you last night, even after seeing what you'd been through this week. Even after knowing how wrecked you were when you told me. And I"m going to spend an eternity in hell for that dream I had about you on your birthday. But if I could call it up again, I'd spend it twice.”

“But non of this matters, because you're not going to listen to your token black Jewish bi friend, are you?”

“What are you smirking about, over there?""I'm more well-rounded than you.""Not possible. You're American," he said. "And if it is true, it's only because you like crap.”

“Only narrowly avoided being elbowed in the face by a girl attired in what could only be described as "slutty Gryffindor" apparel. So wrong.”

“I find it hilarious that whenever I light up, Americans look at me like I'm going to urinate on their children.”

“No," I said, louder this time. "I mean asscrown. The crown on top of the asshat that covers the asshole of the assclown. The very zenith in the hierarchy of asses," I said, as though reading from a dictionary of modern profanity.”

“And just like that, I was completely, utterly, and entirely, His.”

“I twisted my arm to curl him behind me and he unfolded there, the two of us snuggled like quotation marks in his room full of words.”

“Mara, I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. And when you're ready for me to show you," he said, brushing my hair to the side, "I'm going to kiss you." His thumb grazed my ear and his hand curved around my neck. He leaned me backward and my eyes fluttered closed. I breathed in the scent of him as he leaned in and kissed the hollow under my ear. My pulse raced under his lips."And I won't settle for anything less.”

“You're supposed to say, 'All I want is your happiness. I'll do whatever it takes, even if it means being without you.'""Sorry," Noah said. "I'm just not that big of a person.”

“Rubbish. The Taj Mahal is only a hundred eighty-six square feet. This house has twenty-five thousand."I stared at him blankly."I was kidding," he said.I stared at him blankly."All right, I wasn't kidding. Let's go, shall we.?""After you, my liege.”

“I'll be gentle," Noah added. My breath caught in my throat as he looked at me from beneath those lashes, ruining me."You're evil.""And you're mine.”

“You told me I smelled - like bacon.""Well," he said evenly. "That's awkward.”

“He raised an eyebrow. "That was easier than I expected. My body must have addled your good sense.”

“You always have a choice.”

“I’m sorry, is driving and talking too complicated? No problem, I’ll shut up.”

“I opened my eyes and focused on his. “I’d be happier without you,” I lied as convincingly as I could. “Too bad.” Noah’s mouth curved into the half-smile I loved and hated so much, just inches from my navel. My head was foggy. “You’re supposed to say, ‘All I want is your happiness. I’ll do whatever it takes, even if it means being without you.’ “ “Sorry,” Noah said. “I’m just not that big of a person.”

“You like me,” he finally said. “You like me, like me.” He was trying not to smile.“No. I hate you,” I said, hoping that saying it would make it so.“And yet, you draw me.” Noah was still smug, completely undeterred by my declaration.This was torture; worse somehow than what just happened, even though it was only the two of us. Or because it was only the two of us.“Why?” he asked.“Why what?” What could I say? Noah, despite you being an asshole, or maybe because of it, I’d like to rip off your clothes and have your babies. Don’t tell.”

“I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re evil.”In response, Noah smiled, and raised his finger to gently tap the tip of my nose.“And you’re mine,” he said, then walked away.”

“Asscrown," I muttered under my breath as I headed to my next class. I wasn't proud of swearing at a complete stranger, no. but he started it.Noah matched my pace. "Don't you mean 'assclown'?" He looked amused."No," I said, louder this time. "I mean asscrown. The crown on top of the asshat that covers the asshole of the assclown. The very zenith in the hierarchy of asses," I said, as though I was reading from a dictionary of modern profanity."I guess you nailed me then.”

“I grabbed the sides of the machine and tried to shake it. No dice. Then I kicked it. Still nothing.I glared at the machine. “Let them out.” I punctuated my statement with a few more useless kicks.“You have an anger-management problem.”I whipped around at the sound of the warm, lilting British accent behind me.”

“Puedes encender una fogata con el calor entre nosotros dos.”

“No, esto no es irrelevante. Tú me quieres tanto como yo te quiero. Y yo todo lo que quiero es a ti.”

“Noah tomó un sorbo antes de responder. Luego dijo: Alemán, Español, Holandés, Mandarín, y por supuesto, Francés.Impresionante. “Di algo en Alemán” dije, y tomó un trago de la bebida. Era dulce, pero al final fuerte y picante. No estaba segura de gustarme.“Scheide” dijo Noah.Decidí darle a la bebida otro trago. “¿Que significa eso?” pregunté, luego tomé un sorbo.“Vagina”Casi me ahogué, y cubrí mi boca con mi mano. Después recobré la compostura, hablé: “Encantador. ¿Es todo lo que sabes?”“En Alemán, Holandés y Mandarín, sí”Sacudí mi cabeza. ¿Por qué, Noah, sabes la palabra vagina en cada lenguaje?“Porque soy Europeo, y por lo tanto más culto que tú”

“Eres la chica que me llamó imbécil la primera vez que hablamos. La chica que trató de pagar su almuerzo después de saber que yo tengo más dinero que Dios. Eres la chica quien arriesgo su trasero para salvar a un perro moribundo, quien hace que mi pecho duela si vistes seda verde o jeans desgarrados. Eres la chica que yo…” Noah se detuvo, entonces dio un paso más cerca de mí. “Eres mi chica”.”

“My brother spent a large portion of the agonizingly slow drive to school banging his forehead on the stearing wheel.”

“You're the girl who called me an asshole the first time we spoke. The girl who tried to pay for lunch even after you learned I have more money than God. You're the girl who risked her ass to save a dying dog, who makes my chest ache whether you're wearing green silk or ripped jeans. You're the girl that I--" Noah stopped, then took a step closer to me. "You are my girl.”

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and all that jazz. Anna use to be the abstinence poster girl, but post-Shaw you could write a comic book about the many adventures of her vagina. It could wear a cape.”

“Noah shifted on the bed, and the oddest crunching sound came underneath him. I looked, really looked, at the bed for the first time."What," I asked slowly, as I eyed the animal crackers strewn all over it, "the hell?""You were convinced they were your pets," Noah said, not even trying to suppress his laughter. "You wouldn't let me touch them.”

“You don't have to pick me up," I said in a rush."Considering you have no idea where we're going and I have no intention of telling you, I'm quite sure that I do.""I can meet you somewhere centrally located."Noah sounded amused. "I promise to press my trousers before meeting your family. I'll even bring flowers for the occasion.""Oh, God. Please don't." I said. Maybe honesty is the best policy. "My family is going to screw with my life if you come over." I knew them far too well."Congratulations-- you just made the prospect all the more enticing. What is your address?”

“How did you get my number?" I blurted, before I could stop myself."It's called research." I could hear him smirking over the phone."Or stalking."Noah chuckled. "You're adorable when you're bitchy.""You're not," I said, but smiled despite myself.”