Rachel Hawkins

“The next nine days stretched out like taffy. Mrs. Casnoff went back to Hecate, which was kind of a relief. Having her at Thorne had been a little too "worlds colliding" for me.I spent most of my time in my room, recovering from my injury. But staring at the wall gave me lots of time to think, mostly about Archer. I'd seen the look on his face right after the explosion had gone off. He'd been scared. Shocked, even, and not in the "Whoops, my assassination didn't go off as planned" way. He hadn't known it was coming, which meant he couldn't have been the one who planted the gift. Which meant there was someone else who wanted to kill me, a thought that made me want to never leave the safe cocoon of my bed.”

“That present sucked," I muttered.Dad slipped an arm around my shoulder and helped me sit up. As he did, his sleeve fell back to reveal several slivers of demonglass embedded in his forearm."I'm fine," he said before I could ask. "Cal can get them out later. Are you all right?"My shoulder was still on fire, but there was no pain anywhere else, and other than the shock of being blown backward and stabbed, I was peachy. "I think so. What was that, like a magic pipe bomb?"The present lay in tatters on the floor, its ribbon coiling and snapping like a snake. Cal stomped on the ribbon, and it went still. "Seems like it," he said grimly."And it was ensorcelled to seek you out," Dad added. He looked so worried and angry that I decided not to give him a hard time for using a word like ensorcelled.”

“When Mrs. Casnoff saw us, she walked over to us. "Sophie," she said, her voice warmer than I'd ever heard it. "Happy birthday. It's good to see you."I actually believed he meant it, which was weird. Weirder still was the smile she gave me as she said, "I was just talking with several of the guests about your decision not to go through with the Removal. We're all so pleased."Great. Nothing better than my superpersonal decision being party chitchat."Well,that's probably a first for you," I tried to joke. When she just looked confused, I clarified. "Being pleased with me."And then she completely freaked me out by laughing. Granted, it was a low, short laugh, but still.”

“Cal was dressed in a Hex Hall uniform. The blazer was a little tight on his broad shoulders, more so when he shrugged. "It was mine.Mrs. Casnoff brought it with her. I don't really, uh, do costumes. Figured this was a good compromise."I'd thought no one but Archer could make that uniform look good, but Cal proved me wrong. The bright blue was nice against his tan skin and golden hair, and he looked younger. There was a dimple in his cheek as he smiled at me-something I'd never noticed before. "You make a good Hecate," he said.I would have snorted and made a sarcastic comment, but there was something in his eyes that made me just say, "Thanks.”

“I glanced around, but no one seemed to be watching me. That would probably change once I started yelling at a waiter. I have Archer what I hoped was a significant look, but thanks to all the sparkle, I wasn't sure he got it. I walked away to the corner of the room and ducked behind a truly insane amount of potted plants. The light back there was dim and green, and everything smelled rich and loamy.”

“Even though I couldn't see it, I had a feeling Archer was raising an eyebrow at me. "Who are you supposed to be?" he asked in a low voice.I took deep breaths and tried to keep my face as impassive as possible. If anyone glanced over here, they had to think I was just talking to a waiter, not facing down an Eye in their midst. "Hecate," I said, plucking one of the glasses off his tray. "What are you doing here?"He shrugged, managing somehow to look elegant even in his waiter's uniform. "Who doesn't love a party? Plus, I thought there might be a chance you'd wear that blue dress again."My fingers tightened so hard on the crystal goblet that I'm surprised I didn't snap the stem. "You are a crazy person," I said, struggling to keep my voice calm. "Or an idiot. Or a crazy idiot person. Why aren't you at least glamoured or something?”

“Still,there was this heavy feeling in the air, like everyone was trying too hard to have a good time. Laughs were too loud, and smiles looked forced. Maybe they were afraid Dad and I would vaporize them if they didn't act like this was the best party ever.I would have laid my forehead against the cool glass wall, but I didn't really want to see my reflection that closely. Lysander had brought the dress earlier that afternoon, and insisted on doing my makeup,too. Consequently, it looked like a glitter bomb had exploded on my face. Even my bare shoulders were dusted with sparkling blue powder.”

“It's beautiful," I said for what had to be the third time. "It's just awfully...elaborate."Lysander made a disgusted sound and threw up his hands. "It should be elaborate! You're meant to be a goddess!"I had no idea how to reply to that, but Nick saved me. Leaping to his feet, he said, "And you do look like a goddess, Sophie." He took my hand and pulled me off the platform, spinning me. "See? Embrace your goddessness."Nick may have been a weirdo and a half, but I chuckled.”

“It has also been Lara's idea that I go as Hecate, as a nod to the school. I thought that was kind of crappy-it made me feel like I was Hex Hall's mascot or something-but Dad liked it, and since he was the one footing the bill for this whole thing, Hecate it was.”

“The costume is great," I said to Lysander, "but a crown? Really?"He glared at me, his black wings beating. I'd only been in his shop for thirty minutes, but I was pretty sure the guy already hated me. "It was my understanding that you were to go dressed as the goddess of witchcraft, and Hecate wears a crown.""It's not really a crown, Soph," Jenna offered from her spot on a nearby white satin settee. "It's more like a tiara." She had her chin in her hand, and there was practically a little black rain cloud over her head. We had taken Vix to the airport, so Jenna was Sulky McSulkerton.”

“Thanks to all the moving around Mom and I had done, I hadn't had a birthday party since I was eight years old. That had been at Chuck E. Cheese. Something told me the Council had something more elaborate in mind."They don't need to do that," I said, shoving my hands into my pockets. "Especially with all that's going on right now."Nick flashed me a wolfish grin. "That's Prodigium for you. Very 'fiddle while Rome burns.”

“Saint Anthony's medallions are very powerful objects. Witches and warlocks used them in the Middle Ages, usually if they were traveling. You could give them to someone and use them to telepathically show your location. Very useful if you got lost or captured, both of which happened quite often in those days." He flicked it back at me. "I'm actually not surprised you found one. We have dozens in the cellar at Hecate."Well,that explained it,then. Secret demon hunter and thief. Man, did I know how to pick 'em.”

“Curiouser and curiouser."Startled,I glanced at him. "I say that sometimes."Even with his face tight with worry, Dad managed to look a little amused. "It's from Alice in Wonderland. Appropriate, don't you think?"Yeah,except that our rabbit hole was a heck of a lot darker,I thought.I pretended to study the bookcase in the far corner. I'd expected boring books about Prodigium history or shifter economy, and there were a few of those, but I also noticed some recent fiction, as well as several Roald Dahl books. Dad went up in my estimation another notch.”

“This grimoire was written in the language of angels.""Shouldn't that be,like, harp music or chanting, and not hard-core hieroglyphics?”

“Dad's office was actually one of the smaller rooms at Thorne. Inside was pretty nice,though. There was a cherrywood desk and ivory carpets, plus comfortable leather chairs and sturdy-looking bookshelves. He also had nice view of the river.Dad was at his desk when I opened the door, doing what all British people do when they're freaked out: drinking tea.”

“Or maybe your magic isn't that destructive after all. The rain of Doritos, the bed thing,this...Maybe it's just that you create too big, you know?"When I could find my voice, I said, "Cal, that might be the nicest thing anyone's said to me since we got here."He twirled one of the naked roots between his fingers, and didn't meet my eyes. "It's true." Then he glanced up and gave one of those half smiles I was really starting to like. "And it's also true that I need to find another pot for this guy.I,uh, guess I'll see you at dinner.""Great.We can pick out our colors.""What?""For the wedding. I'm thinking melon and mint. Supposed to be really hot next spring."Cal laughed out loud,the first time I'd ever heard him do that. "It's a plan. See ya, Sophie.”

“I closed my eyes and took more of those deep breaths Dad was so fond of, thinking that it was no wonder Prodigium were always getting their asses handed to them by humans. I mean, every time I had to do an intense spell, there was all this focusing, and relaxing, and picturing, and breathing...It wasn't exactly the most effective battle strategy against something like The Eye.I should've known better than to think about The Eye,though. As soon as the name popped into my head, my control shattered.And so did the terra-cotta pot.Black soil rained down on my feet, and the purple flower drooped even further. I could have sworn it actually bobbed accusingly at me. "Ugh," I groaned, as Cal quickly scooped the jagged pot out of my hands. "Sorry,but I warned you I was destructo-girl.”

“You're handling someone's life energy, so it's intense, yeah, but there's like this charge from it.""I'm not sure how I feel about you 'handling my life energy,' Cal."He grinned, and I was taken aback by how different it made him look. Cal spent so much time being stoic and solemn that it was easy to forget he even had teeth. "I'll buy you dinner first next time, I promise."Okay,the grin was one thing, but that had definitely been flirting. Then, like I wasn't thrown enough, Cal leaned down and picked up a potted African violet on the low table next to the sofa and brought it over to me. For a second,I wondered if this was his socially awkward way of trying to give me flowers, but he said, "Any Prodigium can do it,really.Not on the same level I can, but still.You just have to be patient." He pushed the plant toward me,and I noticed a few brown spots on its velvety petals. "Wanna try?"I looked at the droopy violet and snorted. "Thanks,but that poor little flower looks like it's suffered enough." Wiggling my fingers, I added, "I'm way better at the blowing-stuff-up part of magic.”

“I hurried out of the lobby and turned the corner into the English hall, so I didn’t see the guy in front of me until it was too late.“Oh!” I exclaimed as we bumped shoulders. “Sorry!”Then I realized who I’d bumped into, and I immediately regretted my apologetic tone. If I’d known it was David Stark, I would have tried to hit him harder, or maybe stepped on his foot with the spiky heel of my new shoes for good measure.I did my best to smile at him, though, even as I realized my stomach was jumping all over the place. He must have scared me more than I’d thought.David scowled at me over the rims of his ridiculous hipster glasses, the kind with the thick black rims. I hate those. I mean, it’s the 21st century. There are fashionable options for eyewear.“Watch where you’re going,” he said. Then his lips twisted in a smirk. “Or could you not see through all that mascara?”I would’ve loved nothing more than the tell him to kiss my ass, but one of the responsibilities of being a student leader at The Grove is being polite to everyone, even if he is a douchebag who wrote not one, but three incredibly unflattering articles in the school paper about what a crap job you’re doing as SGA president.And you especially needed to be polite to said douchebag when he happened to be the nephew of Saylor Stark, President of the Pine Grove Junior League, head of the Pine Grove Betterment Society, Chairwoman of the Grove Academy School Board, and, most importantly, Founder and Organizer of Pine Grove’s Annual Cotillion.So I forced myself to smile even bigger at David and said, “Nope, just in a hurry. Are you, uh… are you here for the dance?”He snorted. “Um, no. I’d rather slam my testicles in a locker door. I have some work to do on the paper.”

“You're the heir apparent to the head of the Council,ergo-""Dad,it is way to early to be using words like 'ergo.”

“We're going to open this bookcase and remove the grimoire."Now I wasn't surprised so much as shocked. "No way," I shot back. "This thing is enchanted to hell and back-maybe literally."Dad closed his eyes and took a deep breath, like he was having to physically restrain himself from yelling.”

“I was just reaching for my towel when I heard a muffled thump from my bedroom. My fingers froze and the hair on the back of my neck prickled. In scary movies, this was always the part where the naked girl called out, "Hello?" or "Who's there?" or something equally stupid. But this naked girl wasn't announcing her presence to anyone.”

“I ran my big toe over the faucet, which was made to look like a golden swan. I guess it was supposed to be classy, but it just looked like the swan was vomiting water into the tub,which was a pretty gross thought.”

“Was there no time in there he could have said, "Oh,hey,meet me at the magical bookcase at the butt-crack of dawn tomorrow,cool?"And what the heck did he want to do at that bookcase?”

“I felt like there should have been rainbows and rose petals in their wake or something.Ugh.That was catty.Jenna deserved rainbows and rose petals, I reminded myself as I flopped back on my bed, Dad's book bumping painfully against my sternum. After everything she'd been through, Jenna had earned an eternity of nothing but good stuff. So why did seeing her with Vix make me want to brain myself with Demonologies: A History? I looked at the nightstand again and sighed. Then I opened the heavy book and tried to make myself read.For the next few hours I made a valiant attempt to get through Chapter One.For a book that was supposedly about fallen angels running around and creating havoc with their super-awesome dark "magycks," it was awfully boring, and all the weird spellings definitely didn't help.”

“Sophie Mercer, turning down food for homework?""Yeah,it's the new,lamer, more Britisher me.”

“I tried to lift the book in a kind of salute, but it was way too heavy for that. In fact,when I got back up to my room and tossed it on the bed,the mattress creaked in protest.”

“But as soon as we touched, I felt magic crackle over and through me, so strong that I tried to jerk my hand back. But he held tight until, finally, the crackling sensation stopped. My hand slid out of his, and I leaped up from the fountain."What the hell was-"Then I looked down and realized I was completely dry. Not only that, but my demure black dress had been replaced with...well, another black dress, but this one was a lot shorter, sparklier, and also rocking a very low neckline. Even my hair was different, transformed from a soggy braid to silky brown waves.Nick winked at me. "That's better. Now you look more like the Demon Who Would be Queen." He heaved himself out of the water and grabbed Jenna's hand. Within seconds, she went from drowned rat to hottie, her soaked clothes replaced with-what else?-a pink sundress. Of course it showed a lot more skin than anything Jenna would have picked out for herself."Oh,lovely,Nick," Daisy said, rolling her eyes as he wrapped an arm around her waist."What?" he asked once he laid a smacking kiss on her cheek. "They look better like that."Without thinking,I reached out and grabbed Nick's free arm. His wet white T-shirt and jeans rippled, and suddenly he was wearing a Day-Glo yellow tank top and acid-washed jeans. "And you look better like this."I wasn't sure if it was the ridiculous sight of Nick in those clothes, or the fact that I'd done a spell so easily-with absolutely no explosions-but I could feel my lips curving upward in a smile. As Daisy hooted with laughter, Nick narrowed his eyes at me. "Okay, now you're in for it." He waved his hand, and suddenly I was sweltering. When I glanced down, I saw that it was because I was now dressed like the Easter Bunny.But with the flick of one fuzzy paw,I'd transformed Nick's jeans and tank top into a snowsuit.Then I was in a bikini.So Nick was wearing a particularly poofy purple prom dress.By the time he'd turned my clothes into a showgirl's costume, complete with a feathery headdress, and I'd put him in a scuba suit, we were both completely magic drunk and giggling.”

“There was something about Nick that was like being around a wild animal. He was smiling and friendly now, but it felt like at any minute he could turn snarling and scary again.”

“Did your dad say anything about Nick and Daisy?""He-" I started. Then I caught a blur out of the corner of my eye, and something landed in the fountain with a resounding splash, drenching me and Jenna in a wave of pink water.Nick surfaced, tossing his head back and sending dropets flying. If a demon and a vampire both staring at him with identical looks of "WTF,dude?" bothered him, he didn't show it.Instead,he gave his usualy creepy grin and asked, "Did one of you lovely ladies say my name?""Yeah," I said,glaring at him as I wrung water out of my braid. "We were just saying, 'Man,I wish Nick would fling himself into the fountain like a nut job and totally ruin our clothes.' So thanks for that.""Sophie's right," Daisy said, coming to stand next to the fountain. Apparently, wherever Nick was, she was right behind. "Tell them you're sorry." Her words might have sounded sterner if she hadn't been looking at Nick like he was something tasty to eat. God,they were weird.Nick sloshed through the water until he was right in front of me and Jenna. "That's actually why I came out here, my darling," he said to Daisy. "Sophie, I was a jerk to you yesterday."He didn't actually say 'jerk," but another word that was way more accurate. I just raised my eyebrows and waited for him to continue.”

“I just...I'm really freaked out."Her expression softened and she covered my fingers with her own. "I know. The joking in the face of death thing kind of gave it away.”

“Why haven't you told me the truth about you and Archer?""We were just friends," I said. "How many times do I have to say it?"When he didn't say anything, I rolled my eyes. "Okay,so I liked him. I had a crush on him,and-" I wasn't sure if the heat in my face was from embarrassment or anger. "And yes, one time we kissed. But it was just the once,and about ten seconds afterward,I found out he was an Eye."Dad nodded. "And that's it.That's the whole story."Why oh why wasn't there a giant hole in the floor that I could plummet through, perferably to my death? "That,that's it.""Well,that's something," Dad said, running a hand through his hair. "At some point, I want you to add that to your original statement."We were quiet for a long time before I wiped my sweaty palms on my dress and said, "Is there anything else horrible happening that I need to know about?"Dad gave a humorless laugh as he ushered me toward the door. "I believe that covers all the current horror.”

“Do you know anything about the Brannicks?""Irish girls, red hair," I replied, remembering a picture of them from Mrs. Casnoff's "People Who Want to Kill Us All" lecture at Hex Hall last year. I also remembered Mrs. Casnoff saying that if the Brannicks and The Eye ever teamed up, we were screwed.”

“It is imperative that you have no further contact with Archer Cross."I knew all of that. But there was something about having it actually said out loud that physically hurt. "I get it," I said,looking down. "I'm a demon, he's an Eye. If we got together, think of how awkward family holidays would be. Magic and daggers flying around, knocking over the Christmas tree...”

“Mrs. Casnoff made me write a statement to the Council a few weeks after it happened. Everything's in there.""I read that. And neither I,nor the rest of the Council, believe it contains the entire truth."I made a sound that I'd like to say was a cry of indignant, but it was actually closer to a bleat. Probably because Dad was right: that stupid statement didn't even begin to touch the whole truth."Your entanglement with Archer Cross-""We were never entangled," I spluttered.”

“I expected Dad to do his usual brisk thing and say something like, "Excellent. I will anxiously await your pronouncement on this significant matter." Instead, he just looked relieved and said, "Good."Thinking we were done, I moved toward the door, but Dad stepped in front of it. "We're not quite finised yet."I blinked at him, surprised. "I could try to break some more mirrors if you really want me to, Dad, but I'm kind of wiped out. Between last night and today, there's been an awful lot of magin flyin' around for me,and-"He shook his head. "No,not that. We have one more matter to discuss."I didn't need my new psychic senses to tell me something bad was coming. "What?"Dad took a deep breath and folded his arms. "I want you to tell me about Archer Cross.”

“There are several ways. You can think of a memory from before you came into your powers. Or focus on a time when your felt particularly strong human emotions: jealousy, fear, love...""What do you think about?"Setting his glasses on his nose, he replied, "Your mother.”

“I'm sorry!" I blurted out. "I told you, I suck at this. It's like any time I try to do a spell, it goes all big and scary and explodey,and-"Dad rubbed his forehead. "No,Sophie, it's all right. That's what I'd hoped you would do.""You hoped I'd commit mirrorcide?"He laughed, but it sounded a little breathless. "No,I'd hoped to see just how powerful you really are." His eyes were bright, and there was something that might have been pride in them. "You exceeded my expectations.""Well,yay," I said. "So glad my skill at blowing crap up impresses you, Dad.""Your sarcasm is-""I know,I know, 'an unattractive quality in a young lady.'"But Dad grinned and suddenly looked much younger and less like a guy who ironed his ties. "Actually, I was going to say it's something you must've gotten from me. Grace always hated sarcastic comments.""Oh,I know," I replied without thinking. "I spent most of the seventh grade grounded because of it."He snorted. "She once put me out by the side of the road in Scotland because I made a completely harmless joke about her map-reaking skills.""Really?""Mm-hmm.Had to walk nearly five bloody kilometers before she stopped to let me back in.""Dude.Mom is hard-core."For a moment we smiled at each other. Then Dad cleared his throat and looked away. "Anyway,your powers are definitely impressive, but what you lack is control.""Yeah, I kind of picked up on that.”

“I'm sure your wondering why I've brought you here."I moved to the center of the room, my strappy sandals clacking on the marble floor. "I'm assuming this is where the punishment part comes in," I said. "So do I need to clean all these mirrors, or do I have to,like, stare at myself until I feel shamed or something?"Surprisingly, Dad gave a tiny smile. "No,nothing quite that abstract. I want you to break one of the mirrors.""Excuse me?"Dad leaned back against the now-drapeless window and folded his arms over his chest. "Break a mirror, Sophie.""What what, my head? Because I'm pretty sure that'd be corporal punishment, and Mom would not be cool with that.""With your powers."Ugh.I took in the dozens of mirros and muttered, "I think I'd rather use my head.”

“Dad finally stopped in a section of the house that looked like it hadn't been used since Alice was here. The furniture was covered in heavy drop cloths, and a thick layer of dust and grime coated the portraits on the wall. In front of us was a heavy oak door, and when Dad pushed it open, I half expected someone's crazy locked-away wife to spring out at us.”

“Dad was standing in front of the big windows when I got to the library, his hands clasped behind his back in the classic "I am so disappointed in my offspring" pose."Dad? Um,Lara said you wanted to see me."He turned around, his mouth a hard line. "Yes.Did you have a nice time with Daisy and Nick last night?"I fought the urge to reach into my pocket and touch the coin. "Not particularly."He didn't say anything, so we just stared at each other until I started feeling fidgety. "Look, if you're going to punish me, I'd really rather just get it over with."Dad kept staring. "Would you like to know how I spent my evening? Well, not evening, really, so much as very early morning hours."Inwardly, I groaned. Mrs. Casnoff sometimes pulled this maneuver: she'd say she wasn't mad, and then proceeded to list all the ways my screwup had inconvenience her. Maybe they taught it at those fancy schools nonreject Prodigium got to go to. "Sure.""I spent those hours on the phone. Do you know with whom?""One of those psychic hotlines?"Dad gritted his teeth. "If only. No, I was busy assuring no less than thiry influential witches, warlocks, shifters, and faeries that surely, my daughter-the future head of the Council, I should add-had not injured over a dozen innocent Prodigum while attempting to escape a nightclub during a raid by L'Occhio di Dio.""I didn't hurt them!" I exclaimed. Then I remembered just how hard they had hit the wall, and winced. "Well, not on purpose," I amended.”

“So I wrestled my hair into a demure braid the old-fashoned way, even though it ended up looking pretty sloppy. I decided not to wear makeup, figuring the more innocent I looked, the harder it might be for him to ground me, or shoot hellfire from his eyes, or whatever it was that angry demon dads did.”

“Of course, once I'd wrapped my mind around the fact that it was Cal and not Archer standing in my bedroom, it dawned on me that Cal was standing in my bedroom."Hey," I breathed, hoping my hair wasn't a huge tangled mess, even though I was ninety-nine percent sure that it was. I mean, I could see it out of my peripheral vision."Hey.""You're,um,in my room.""I am.""Is that allowed?""Well,we are engaged," Cal deadpanned.I squinted at him, shoving big handfuls of my hair away from my face. I had no idea if that was supposed to be a joke or not. You could never tell with Cal."Did you want to watch me sleep or something? Because if that's the case, this engagement is so broken."Cal's lips quirked in what might have been a smile. "Do you have a smart-ass reply for everything?"If at all possible,yeah.”

“Still, we made it back to the corn mill, and even though it felt like a dwarf with a chisel had taken up permanent residence in my frontal lobe, I managed to stagger all the way back to the house.”

“So did The Eye come here tonight looking for me?""Actually, we came because we heard it was free corn dog night. Imagine our disappointment."I jerked my head to look at him. That was a mistake. We were already so close that turning to face him meant our noses were about an inch apart. So I craned my back away and addressed my words to the street. "The last time we saw each other, you pulled a knife on me. So if you could spare the banter, that'd be great." Of course, the last time we saw each other, we'd also shared a kiss so hot it nearly set my hair on fire,but I wasn't about to bring that up.”

“That makes,what? The second time I've saved your life? Third, if you count that thing in Defense with the Vandy. Speaking of which, you're still thrusting your elbow too high on Skill Nine."I swallowed twice before I was able to answer. "I'll work on that.”

“I was nearly to the end of the alley when an arm snaked around my waist and yanked me backward, out of the light. I wasn't sure if it was an Eye or a Prodigium, or just your run-of-the-mill rapist.scumbag type, but it was definitely a guy. He was several inches taller than me, and I could hear his ragged breathing in my ear as he struggled to hold me. There was no way I'd be able to do a spell on him: I was too tired and too frazzled. But while I didn't have magic, I did have a whole bunch of the Vandy's Defense classes on my side.Skill Nine, you asshat,I thought as I drove my elbow back,while at the same time attempting to drive my boot heel as hard as I could into his instep.He blocked both easily, pulling his torso back from my elbow even as he tightened his grip on my waist, lifting me slightly off the ground so my heel came down harmlessly on thin air.For a second I felt real panic. Anyone who could black Prodigium Defense moves was a lot more dangerous than some random pervert. I was about to try Skill Fifteen, which involved both breaking his nose and potentially ending his chances of ever having kids, when my captor bent down and whispered in my ear, "Don't even think about it, Mercer.”

“It's going to be okay," I told her, even though I was pretty sure we were all going to be skewered on L'Occhio silver daggers any minute now.”

“All right then, Daisy and I will have our usual."I wondered what that might be. Evil Juice? Some kind of demonic energy drink?”

“She was wearing a bright purple dress that was so short, I thought it might have started its life as a shirt. She would've been pretty if her face hadn't looked like she'd just taken a big swig of sour milk.”