Richard Kadrey

“He pulls the tape off Allegra's mouth. Grabs her BY THE HAIR and gives her a peck on the lips.”

“She'd [Allegra] look like Foxy Brown's little sister, except her head is SHAVED SMOOTH.”

“Chasing a burning girl down a city street is a lot harder than it sounds. Civilians tend to stop and stare and this turns them into human bowling pins. Slow whiny bowling pins.”

“Nothing nice happens to murdered women.”

“I'm trying very hard not to think about anything I'm doing. Of all the iffy things I've ever done in my life, I've never had to ditch a body before. While it's giving me a migraine right now, I think the fact that I'm not an expert on corpse disposal says a lot of good things about me and my life choices.”

“Everything's show biz in the end”

“I've come a long way to get nowhere at all, I thought. And I've spent everything I have to get here.”

“Hell didn't make me a monster. It just confirmed all my worst fears about myself.”

“You don't have to be afraid of me. Eugene likes you. Doc likes you. That means I like you. We're all family now. All the funny little people who live in the cracks of the world.”

“The place looks like where David Lynch would meet Beaver Cleaver's mom for secret afternoons of bondage and milkshakes.”

“In this life, no matter what anyone promises you, what allegiances of love or fealty they swear or what gods they pray to, you will never have more than what you have at this moment.”

“It's so quiet and peaceful out here I'm getting bored with breathing. Maybe we'll get lucky and the world will go to Hell again. Fingers crossed.”

“I guarantee you I'm not going to forget your voice. We're going to run into each other down the road sometime, and when we do I'm going to pop you apart one rivet at a time.""There's the monster. Hello, monster.”

“You're quite the humanitarian. By the way, thanks a fuck of a lot for leaving me off your who-to-save list.You're on it, Alfredo Garcia. I just didn't want to say it out loud and have you call me Nancy or Tinker Bell.Yeah, I would have done that.”

“Don't drink too much.""When I can spell out your name in shot glasses, I'll stop.""I'll have to get a shorter name.""I'll have to forget how to spell it.”

“Let me finish my beer." (Stark)"Of course. The end of the world can wait.(Kasabian)”

“Don't talk. Kill it."That might be the sweetest thing a woman's ever said to me on a first date.”

“The dead think they can get away with anything because you'll feel sorry for them. If you play cards with the dead, make sure you deal and don't let them buy you drinks. They'll slip you a formaldehyde roofie and pry the gold fillings out of your teeth.”

“If Jesus, Jesse James, and a herd of pink robot unicorns strolled in walking on water, this bunch wouldn't even look up.”

“If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.”

“Besides, do you think you would have come if I’d just popped into your tattoo shop one night around closing andsaid, ‘Hello, I’m the Prince of Darkness. Think you could help me outwith a little war next Tuesday, say, sixish?”

“Being able to embrace contradictions is a sign of intelligence.Or insanity.”

“If fucking up is power, I should be the Hulk by now.”

“He wore his fear on his skin for everyone to see.”

“When the world began, there were no such things as monsters. Demons were just fallen angels who, booted out of Heaven and bored with Hell, wandered the Earth sticking little girls’ pigtails in inkwells and sinking the occasional continent.”

“Fuck you, angel. Fuck you and all God's little prison bitches. He slips you some cigarettes and a con job smile and you run off to do his dirty work for him. Go and scare some sinners. No one's listening to you here.”

“No hospitals, she says.I know.Where are we going?For ice cream. What's your favorite flavor?Fuck you.That's my favorite, too.”

“See? Even dead she makes me a better whatever-the-hell it is I am. A less stupid person. A more considerate monster.”

“Thanks for treating me like, you know, a person through all this shit. I know that isn't always easy. (Stark)You do have a habit of pissing on other people's welcome mats. But, when a gentleman gives you a booty call to a massacre, it's easy to forgive. Ciao. (Candy)”

“The ashes of your existence will fertilize the soil for the universe to follow.”

“*For eleven years, I've been worked over and abused in ways you can't imagine by things you don't want to know about. I've killed every kind of vile, black-souled, dead-eyed nightmare that ever made you piss your pjs and cry for mommy in the middle of the night. I kill monsters and, if I wanted, I could say a word and burn you to powder from the inside out. I can tear any human you ever met to rages with my bare hands. Give me one good reason why I could possibly need you?*She looks straight at me, not blinking. No fear in her eyes.*Because you might be the Tasmanian Devil and the Angel of Death all rolled into one, but you don't even know how to get a phone.*I hate to admit it, but she has a point.”

“Love a man who'll bleed to make a point. (Candy)”

“Now you are thinking like a thief. Fewer guns and more exits. We'll cure your cowboy ways yet. (Vidocq)”

“If Donald Trump and the Wicked Witch of the West had a kid, it would be Jayne-Anne. She looks like a librarian with some money and good taste in clothes but underneath the Verace, she's Godzilla with tits.”

“I'm steel-toed boots in a ballet-slipper world.”

“Enemies will kill you with a knife in the back. Friends will kill you with kindness. Either way you're dead.”

“When you're facing down multiple attackers, you always want to make the first move. It lets them know that you're ready to fight and that you're crazy enough to get the party started. One rule of thumb in fighting is that crazy can often overcome skill and numbers, because, while a trained fighter might actually enjoy going up against another trained fighter, no one really wants to wrestle with crazy. Crazy doesn't know when it's winning. And crazy doesn't know when to stop. If you can't pull off crazy, if, for instance, you're handcuffed in a small van with six armed assailants, stupid is a decent substitute for crazy.”

“Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.”

“If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a solid gold toilet it stole from Zeus's guest room.”

“Let me make sure I have this straight. The cavalry just now rode into town and it's a Czech Gypsy porn-star zombie killer. Have I got that right?”

“Oh Christ. Put me back with the zombies, Strawberry Shortcake." [p. 411]”

“Are you asking because you want to see if doc can turn you into a librarian when all this is over?" [p.240:]”

“No wonder Sherlock Holmes did all that coke. Math is hard.”

“...playing with the Barbie-size keyboard on my new phone. Phones are like toys now. They fit in your pocket, light up and vibrate like joy buzzers. Plus, you can get-I mean, "access"-the Internet and find anything you want. Music. Maps. Porn. Anything. If cell phones came with a cigarette dispenser, they'd be the greatest stupid invention ever.”

“I came ready to fight Genghis Khan and I walk in on a shut-in playing the biggest Dungeons and Dragons game in history.”

“I tap a Malediction out of the box, fire it up, and puff. It tastes like a tire fire in a candy factory next door to a strip club. The best cigarettes ever.”

“As sweet as it feels, I can't lie here forever curled up in a big ball of fuck-the-world.”

“In the Tarot deck, the Fool is depicted as a young man about to step off a cliff into empty air. Most people assume that the Fool will fall. But we don't see it happen, and a Fool doesn't know that he's subject to the laws of gravity. Against all odds, he just might float.”

“Besides Getting my ass kicked, my main accomplishment on this trip has been to massacre an incredible number of completely innocent clothes. I'm the Joseph Stalin of laundry.”

“That's what Glocks are. High-precision killing machines that scream "Daddy Issues.”